One Small Step

Eurovision 2011 - Dusseldorf to Baku

2011-05-15T21:10:00.000+01:00

What a night!

Eurovision is essentially my Christmas, and it really didn't disappoint. It's perhaps cliche, but I really do think that the quality of the songs improves year on year.

At my house party, the best reactions were for Denmark, Ireland & Sweden, with everyone singing along to Switzerland and Finland too. We loved Ukraine's sand artist and the mental Moldovan unicyclist trumpeter.

We felt that Blue's performance was okay, but that "it's a better song to sing along with than just listen to".

All party attenders were given a country or two support, and got to sport a fab Eurovision Minipop pin badge. We ate Black Forest cakes and hot dogs in honour of Germany's hosting, and drank more than 20 different spirits from around Europe in the voting drinking run. Newcomers this year were an Austrain Chocolate liqueur (lush) and a Lithuanian spirit (caustic). We were unfortnately unable to locate any Vana Tallin, our favourite Estonian petrol-like spirit.

So what about my analysis? Starting with the Semi-Final qualifiers, I was pretty sad that San Marino failed to qualify in their second outing, and I still rate Senit's "Stand By" as one of my favourite entries this year. I was also disappointed that Norway's "Haba Haba" didn't qualify, especially as questionable entries from Lithuania and Greece did. From the second Semi, my favourite song was Latvia, largely due to the lyric "Love me with luscious thighs", but along with Israel's Dana International, it failed to qualify in favour of dull Austria and bizarre Moldova.

In the Final itself, I chose to support Azerbaijan out of tradition, and whilst I really liked the song from the first listen, I didn't see it as a contender to win. The staging was simple and singing great. Once again, the winner of Eurovision was a simple song, with simple staging, proving that it's not always about the tricks and gimmicks.

Having said that, there were some great gimmicks: Sweden's glass-shattering and Bieber-licious dancing; Bosnia's triangle; Russia's glow-jackets; Lena's sperm-dancers and Ukraine's set-stealing sand-artist.

I was a bit disappointed with the low positions for Hungary and Estonia, I really liked their entries and thought they deserved better.
The UK song is great on CD, but felt a bit lacklustre live, I've read since that there were sound mixing issues which is a real shame but does probably explain why it lacked the anthemic sound Blue were aiming for. Nevertheless, we scored ten times the points of last year and an 11th place for a country with no friends or countries with shared music taste is pretty good!

So that's it for the year, I've just got to finish off the last of my smoked cheese and anaemic meats, play the CD to death and start researching Azerbaijan, ready for next year's party... here's a map to show you where Baku, the Azeri capital is.

View Larger Map

Eurovision 2011 Semi Final 2: predictions

2011-05-12T19:09:00.000+01:00

Oh dear. My Semi-Final 1 predictions were a little off, but at least 3 of my favourites made it through. All in all, I guessed only 5 right, so let's see if I can do better tonight:

Sweden
Israel
Bosnia-Hercegovina
Denmark
Latvia
Ukraine
Slovakia
Estonia
Romania
Belarus

(Sorry Slovenia, I'm really warming to you but don't think it's your year)

Eurovision 2011 Semi-Final 1 Predictions

2011-05-10T18:37:00.000+01:00

Okay so in just over 90 minutes BBC Three will start showing the first Semi Final. The UK get to vote in this one to decide which 10 acts progress to the final on Saturday.

I'm going to split my predication in two...

My 5 favourites are Turkey "Live It Up", San Marino "Stand By", Iceland "Coming Home", Hungary "What About My Dreams?" & Azerbaijan "Running Scared". I have some doubts about Hungary's ability to sing live and whether anyone will care about tiny San Marino, but I do hope for the best.

I actually don't like many of the other entries. Nevertheless, I suspect that the other 5 entries that will garner votes will be Armenia, Russia, Albania, Poland & Greece. Of these 5, Poland and Russia's are okay.

Now all there is to do is watch and wait!

The Quirky

2011-05-06T21:28:00.000+01:00

Germany/Deutschland – "Taken by a stranger" – Lena

Lena won Eurovision 2010 and wanted to return to “defend her title”. Yeah whatever, I think she wanted to show off this amazing song that in no way will win, but will definitely be on my playlist for time to come. It’s a little Bjork-like, but not quite so weird, with a haunting melody and clever but sometimes-crazy lyrics.

Here's last year's winning entry by Lena:

Finland/Suomi – "Da Da Dam" – Paradise Oskar

This sweet guitar song is all about Peter, who wants to save the environment, though I’m not quite sure how singing “dad a dum” does that, but I know he’s not coming back until the planet is saved. It’s quite charming and bizarre at the same time

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/contestants/2010/finland.shtml

Estonia/Eesti – "Rockefellar Street" - Getter Jaani

This is cute in the most part, though the chorus is a bit weak, though the sense of disappointment is probably because the verses and stage presence are actually pretty good. Not a winner, but not a toilet break song either.

Belarus/Беларусь – "I Love Belarus" – Anastasia Vinnikova

This is delightfully mental, from the title right through the tinging little Belarussian xylophone or whatever it is. You clearly will be singing along by the end, and that’s when you realise just how creepy that is, given that Belarus is the USSR’s last bastion and is a nation ruled autocratically by the power of fear. Perhaps it’s a subversive metaphor for the mind control that the KGB (which still exist in Belarus) wish to exert over their populace?

The Power Ballads

2011-05-06T21:19:00.000+01:00

Albania/Shqipërisë – "Feel The Passion" – Aurela Gaçe

This starts off with some nice Balkan beats, but gets a bit shouty in the choruses, which is a shame as she really wants to “share this song with you”. She’s got a definite Eastern European look and I like the video, but am a bit apprehensive about seeing it live.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/albania.shtml

Cyprus/Κύπρος - San Aggelos S'Agapisa - Christos Mylordos

Standard male ballad from Cyprus full of Laika, wailing, crying and angst. I’m all for formulaic pop music but seriously, it’s boring now. (Still, can always bet on the 12 points from Greece eh?)

He's not even really a looker to be honest so I'm quite disappointed.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/cyprus.shtml

Austria/Österreich – "The secret is love" - Nadine Beiler

No denying Nadine is a good singer, with lovely tone, but this ballad is so by the numbers you can predict the staging from about 10 seconds of the song – smoke machine, spotlight and backing singers doing “the grab”. Not bad at all, but not exactly standout.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/austria.shtml

Slovenia/Slovenija – "No one" – Maja Keuc

Every year I want to like Slovenia’s entry so much it hurts, and as hard as I try, I can’t warm to this ballad, though I do like the incongruous dancing by the two out-of-time dancers. Maja was on "Slovenia's Got Talent" (perhaps quite an ambitious feat for a country of just 2 million) She does sound quite like Anastacia and it's not awful, but it doesn't really have the POW! it should.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/slovenia.shtml

The rock

2011-05-06T21:02:00.001+01:00

Turkey/Türkiye - "Live it up" - Yüksek Sadakat

This rock-inspired entry doesn’t make too much sense, but starts well, though it doesn’t really break the mould, and it’s never that comfortable watching middle-aged men try and rock out.
They're pretty big in Germany, Netherlands and Belgium though (I think they're a Turkish U2-a-like), so may well do well.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/turkey.shtml

Moldova – "So Lucky" – Zdob si Zdob

A rock entry built around a cheeky recurring clarinet riff that is standout from the other entries (in a good way).

FYR Macedonia/Македонија – "Rusinka" – Vlatko Ilievski

This cheeky little fella goes round and round 4 sets in the really quite good one-shot video for this song about a “Russian Girl”. His voice isn’t exactly honey to the ears, but I actually quite like it, and am looking for an excuse to go to Skopje and Ohrid, so maybe I should back this as my wildcard. Oh, and I LOVE that he is apparently Macedonia's "Jon Bon Jovi"!

The retro

2011-05-06T20:53:00.000+01:00

Belgium/België/Belgique – "With Love Baby" – Witloof Bay

There’s some ugly women fronting this band, which you think are quite distracting... until the beatboxing kicks in and THEN you realise it’s all over. In some ways this is brilliant, it’s a like a 50’s barbershop quartet with a fairly catchy song... but it just falls apart like an overcooked waffle.

Serbia/Србија/Srbija – "Čaroban"/"Magical" – Nina

This 60s inspired track shimmies up to you full of promise but it wimps out, and doesn’t go anywhere. Pleasant enough, sung well, but a bit dull, although she’s really cute at the end!

The folk

2011-05-06T20:46:00.000+01:00

There's always a few entries which follow a more traditional music route, and frankly, they're often horrendous (O Julissi anyone?!). Decide for yourself which of this trio buck that trend

Iceland/Ísland – Coming Home – Sjonni’s Friends

There is a real poignancy behind this act, in that the original singer died suddenly during the Icelandic heats, and his friends decided to carry on in his memory. Has to be said though that the lyrics, that include prophetic lines such as “no-one knows when my time on earth comes to an end” don’t quite fit with the cheery melody, so it leaves you feeling a bit uneasy, though it is pretty catchy all the same.

Portugal – Luta é Alegria – Homens Da Luta

Oh dear. Portugal had been doing quite well in the past few years, sending lovely folk songs with innocent looking singers and was looking to break its record of the country with the longest Eurovision residency without a win. And now they are bizarrely changing tack and sending the Over 40’s Portugese Village People. They don’t sing in tune, the song is god awful and the stage presence is more uncomfortable than watching a Nativity play at a school for the incontinent.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/portugal.shtml

Bosnia & Hercegovina – "Love in rewind" - Dino Merlin

Dino Merlin is one of the Balkan's biggest music stars; this guy wrote Bosnia’s national anthem when the country was born in 1995! This Eurovision entry isn't his first either. It’s a fairly charming affair, uplifting and with that crucial memorable chorus. And given his background, he's pretty unlikely to suffer from stage fright.

The “urban” (i.e. has a rap bit in it)

2011-04-30T22:26:00.001+01:00

Ok so next up are the entries that are, or at least try be at the 'cooler' end of the Eurovision spectrum. Only some succeed, and thankfully, and perhaps unbelievably, the UK entry seems to be one of them!

United Kingdom – "I Can" – Blue

So this year, the BBC have taken the brave decision to send Blue to Europe. You know, like a “real” band. One of my ongoing gripes with those that diss the UK not winning Eurovision is that they don’t realise how other countries genuinely try and send their best where as we dredge up old X-factor losers. So in a sense, I’m pleased, though the trouble with Blue is that they were popular in the late 90s and I’m not certain we’re ready for a revival. The song is damn catchy though, and we know they can sing quite well, so a low score would begrudgingly convince me the voting really is ALL political.

Having seen the lads do a few live performances now, they seem slick and at ease, so we really do have a hope at winning this year. Come on, all together, #“I can, I will...”#

Latvia/Latvija – "Angel in disguise" – Musiqq

[from http://www.eurovision.tv/page/history/year/participant-profile/?song=26113]

Quite a good sounding guitar “buddy-ballad” until you pay attention to the lyrics – “love me with luscious thighs”, which make this a bit less innocent and earnest than I imagine it was planned to be. It’s catchy though and very listenable, though the rap in the middle is just naff.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/latvia.shtml

Georgia/საქართველო – "One More Day" - Eldrine

This starts off with some electronica, has a rocky chorus, throws in a rap and a weird video that’s like a behind-the-scene mixed in with the actual filming. Like it though, and hope the megaphones make it to the stage.

Greece/Ελλάδα – "Watch My Dance" – Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike

This rap heavy song is pretty brave given that few across Europe will understand the lyrics. The singing bits are okay, and the laika music that is mandatory for all Greek/Cypriot entries twiddles on in the background, but this song never feels like it gets going.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/greece.shtml

The Gay

2011-04-30T22:13:00.000+01:00

OMG. These four songs are the highlights of the year. They are my Eurovision lifeblood, camp disco schlager music that just make me smile and then dance inanely. Even when they're actually shit. Joyous times.

Sweden/Sverige – "Popular" – Eric Saade

This sounds like a lot of Swedeish schlager-pop and good on it. Eric belts out some crackingly bad lines; the early rhyming of “impossible” with erm, “possible” is a big humdinger of a bleurgh, but he makes up for it with a series of Bieber-licioius mini-dance breaks. In truth, this is utterly ridiculous, but pretend that you’re a thirteen-year old girl in your bedroom and you’ll love it (so obviously I do)

Hungary/Magyarország – "What About My Dreams?" – Kati Wolf

Think “Hungarian Sarah Jessica Parker” and Kati is it. This starts as a power ballad that you hope becomes a “traditional” Eurovision stomper... and it does, though it momentary blip in the middle with far too much warbling, though this is redeemed at the end when Kylie’s “Disco Needs You” choir climbs on board. If you’ve had enough to drink and/or are in a club, this is the kind of song that will have jumping around pretending you’re in a spotlight with rain pouring on your face.

Malta – One Life – Glen Vella

If Glen isn’t gay then my ‘dar is way off and someone needs to tell him to smile less, stop flailing around and wear less neon. The music and lyrics are pure diva anthem, this is “fabulous”, but it ain’t a grower. (In case I’m not clear, it’s awful. Like, really B.A.D.)

Israel/יִשְׂרָאֵל‎‎/إِسْرَائِيل– "Ding Dong" – Dana International

S/he’s back! Ex-winner Dana belts out this gay club-friendly choon with the campest title this year. She also manages to sing in Hebrew without it sounding like a respiratory disease ward in winter, no small achievement. Having said that, it does a sound a bit Eurovision of 10 years ago, but that doesn’t stop it being fabulous.

The Europop

2011-04-30T21:58:00.000+01:00

My favourite category, the out and out pop songs. There's some gems among the duds!

Ireland/Eire – "Lipstick" – Jedward

They have landed. It’s Jedward. The song itself is not so bad, but anyone who saw the X-Factor knows what to expect when it comes to the live performance. You either love them (Ireland apparently) or hate them. It’s undeniably catchy “dum de dum da dadum”– I guess it depends how annoying they’ll come across on stage in Germany. This might be difficult given John's recent injury...

Croatia/Hrvatska – "Celebrate" - Daria

Daria remains somewhat dead in the eyes throughout the video, and the whole affair feels rather lacklustre, and definitely not worthy of “celebration”. This song does, however, contains the amazing rhyme of “moment” and “comet”.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/croatia.shtml

Romania/România – "Change" – Hotel FM

This really wants to be a feel-good anthem but does end up feeling a bit like something from children’s TV, a bit in the S Club 7 vein. You probably will end up clapping along to it and it’s very likeable, but you know a song has got lost when it repeats the chorus a hundred times before the end.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/romania.shtml

Spain/España – "Que me quiten lo bailao" - Lucia Perez

Wow. This is proper Spanish. In that it’s really cheap sounding (and the video looking) but frustratingly catchy. The title translates as “Nobody can take the good times away from me”, and she hammers that point home so much I think she’s probably in denial. Never mind, now you’ve heard it, you’ll be humming it over and over again. I can’t wait for the English language version “I’m over the moon”.

Poland/Polska – "Jestem" – Magdalena Tul

Magdalena sings “I am” and it’s a catchy (probably more so if you understand Polish) pop song that fills 3 minutes is a pleasant way, but is a bit like a Rachel Stevens album track and not spectacular.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/poland.shtml

Norway – Haba Haba – Stella Mwangi

Haba haba is really likeable and danceable. Stella’s ‘fro is a delight, and I love her accent as she says “When as a little girl my gran’ma told me...”. Not quite sure how Norway ends up sending a calypso to Eurovision, but it’s a nice change and I look forward to playing this in the summer months!

Armenia/Հայաստան – "Boom Boom" – Emmy

This starts off quite feel good and you think it’s gonna be okay, even with that title, but then the chorus hits with its awful production, awful lyrics and the moment is lost. It never has a chance to pick up again before another “chaka chaka, laka laka” hits. Shame as she appears to be a good singer.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision/songs/2011/armenia.shtml

Russia/Россия – "Get You" – Alexej Vorobjov

“I’m running, I’m coming for you” says the slick-haired Alexej, which would probably send a fair few women running themselves. The back-beat is really irritating, but the song itself is pretty catchy and I can see my living room having a few people shout along with it during the Final, especially during the “whoa-oh” bits.

The ballads (duets)

2011-04-19T23:25:00.000+01:00

Ah the Eurovision duet. A rare beast. It's hard not to be cheesy, but there have been some really good ones (2010's "Playing with Fire", 2008's "Day after Day") mixed in with the disasters (anyone remember Malta's "On Again...Off Again" in 2004?!).
The last duo to win were the Olsen Brothers from Denmark in 2000, and so with the recent trend of solo women winning, maybe it's time for a pair to win again?

Azerbaijan/Azərbaycan – "Running Scared" - Ell & Nikki

This duet is moving, catchy and one of the more (UK) chart worthy entries this year, which continues Azerbaijan’s impressive line-up of songs in their Eurovision infancy. The song is crying out for a wind machine based performance. If the chemistry between the two on stage holds up, this might place well, though prob lacks that something to actually win.

Slovakia/Slovensko - "I’m Still Alive" – TWiiNS

The video for this is bizarre, with clips of Slovakia’s football and ice hockey “victories”, footage of the revolution and then clips of people dispersed from their homes by the Danube flooding, topped off by the birth of a baby. Is this song making out to be an anthem for Slovakia? Or surviving against the odds? Would you believe that it's produced by the someone who lists Timbaland, Nelly Furtado & Justin Timberlake as their clientele? It’s just plain nuts, confirmed by lyrics such as “When your road’s not too wide, then trust the heart never lies”.

The ballads (girls)

2011-04-19T00:39:00.000+01:00

Next up in this years seemingly ballad-heavy Eurovision review are the girls. Girls with big lungs traditionally do well in Eurovision, remember this is the contest that "gave the world Celine Dion. There have been several high-scoring lady-ballads in recent years, most notably Serbia's Marija Šerifović winner in 2007...(a little more danced-up for the repeat performance)

Can 2011's ladies hit the right notes (ahem)...?

Switzerland/Schweiz/Suisse/Svizzera – "In Love For a While" – Anna Rossinelli

This has a really cute plinky-plinky start, and the feel-good factor continues throughout. “I love everything about you” may not be 100% true about this song, but it’s near enough. There's an irrepressable urge to "La la la" along with her after the choruses. Beware the video has some dodgy stomping "dancing", which is not gonna attract her smiley violin/bass playing boyfriends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtlhYGVtZlk

Bulgaria/България – "Na inat" ("In spite") – Poli Genova

The Bulgarian P!nk with an angry ballad (though it looks like mum is on the keyboards) that is okay really. Depending on what is either side of it in the running order might make all the difference, because there’s nothing else really like it, and its all fairly well accomplished, though it doesn’t really leave you wanting more.
The video has power stations, police banging their riot shields and a dove trying to fly around in a cage (of course it gets released in the end).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwH2VU7Vqss

Ukraine/Україна –"Angel" – Mika Newton

I think I like this just for the Ukrainian accent saying “I lurve yooo” and the rhyme “we are angels, we’re in danger”. All in all, one of the better ballads, though some of the high notes leave a lot of room for disaster in the live show.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtfetx1u8I0

San Marino – "Stand By"- Senit

Okay, I’ll admit, the smaller the country, the more likely I am to fall in love, but this is a really beautiful song that makes me melt. Senit has got the “smize” down to a tee and her voice is just lovely. The accompanying video veers between godawful tourist promo and blissful black and white. The more I think about it, I just love this song actually! You just kind of have to forget that this is a country with a population smaller than Altrincham, Stretford or Fareham.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Owh0pnNzh0Y

Lithuania/Lietuva - "C’est ma vie" – Evelina Sašenko

Full of bad lyrics, a plodding tune that is (admittedly) adequately sung by Evelina, this is very forgettable. That’s all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWsuBnfYQBw

The ballads (boys)

2011-04-18T23:35:00.000+01:00

So first up are the ballads, and there's a shedload, so we'll start with the boys.

Just as a note, the last solo male ballad to win was Russia's Dima Bilan in 2008, with the lovely "Believe". You might also remember him as the slightly too-skinny one with a mullet that pulled a ballerina out of a piano, in 2006. Dima was Russia's biggest pop star, (and still is), so had that going for him vote wise. Will any of 2011's boy ballads match up to his standard...?

Denmark/Danmark – "A New Tomorrow" – A Friend in London

“Come on boys, come on girls” this choon begins, encouraging you to wave your hands in the air. The lyrics are pretty good and the guitars churn out a memorable rhythm in the background, which make this, all in all, a good entry that would make for a charming, end-of-the-night pub singalong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGVZktHLZhk

Italy/Italia – "Madness of Love" – Raphael Gualazzi

This piano jazz mixes Italian and English, is charming and bit Michael Bublé (in a good way). “Someone hit me and I fell into your heart, my dear” is a lovely syrupy line in the middle, followed by a full on trumpet section. Not really one to sing a long too, but lovely for a summer drive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO0Ih3q4PSE

Netherlands/Nederland – "Never Alone" - 3JS

What is it with Holland and manbands for Eurovision? This guitar ballad is a bit earnest and laden so heavy with clichés that it begins to drag at the 2 minute mark. The final line which comes straight from Amsterdam’s red light district, “at the sweet end of your trail”, is brilliant though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlneiG2bGuE

France – "Sognu" – Amaury Vassili

France’s entry is the classy operatic-but-not-annoying-with-it “Sognu”. Who knows what it’s about but in the video he wanders about a lot carrying a handbag and does a lot of meaningful staring. It’s apparently the early bookie’s favourite to win. It's sung in Corsican. We’ll see.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEb7hRo-Qyk

So 4 down, 39 to go. Bear with me, I promise it gets better.

Eurovision 2011

2011-04-18T22:59:00.000+01:00

Okay, so it’s time for my traditional rundown of this year’s Eurovision entries.

The Grand Final of Eurovision 2011 is due to be staged in Düsseldorf, Germany on the 14^th of May, and there are a whopping 43 entrants this year, with the return of San Marino, Austria, Hungary and Italy (who return after a 14 year gap).

As the biggest funders of the contest, the UK, France, Spain, Italy and Germany automatically qualify for the Final, leaving twenty places for the remaining 38 countries, who’ll be decided from two semi-finals in the preceding week. One of my biggest sadnesses about Eurovision is that some gems, both musical and comedy, are often confined to these semi-finals, so do take a look.

I’ve gone with my gut and reviewed these songs after just one listen to try and get an idea of how they’ll stand up on the actual night.

In the past I’ve gone for the chronological or alphabetical approach; this time I’ve decided to group the songs of a similar style together, and I’ll blog each “category” together. Hopefully, I’ll finish not feeling too shell-shocked, and we’ll round off with a blog about which songs I came back to listen to.

The BBC site is great if you find yourself getting sucked into Eurovision world, and if you totally fall in, ESC Today has all the latest news, as well as unintentionally hilarious interviews conducted in awkward English.

Some Bitter New Year's Resolutions for Others

2011-01-04T16:13:00.002Z

If it's snowing or has snowed, it is not appropriate to drive at 70mph or faster. Slow down and leave loads of room between you and the person in front. (cf. my M40 crash on 23/12/10)
If you work in Customer Services, please provide your customers with information about your service that is accurate. (cf. FlyBE's denial of fog 27-29/12/10 when you couldn't see the bloody bus stop, never mind the runway)
If you are a person who goes jogging in the dark when there is snow and ice everywhere, do not expect your local A&E to be thrilled to see you when you have broken something.
Likewise, if you are thinking of seeing any health professional whatsoever with a joint/muscle/back pain, then please do try a paracetamol or ibuprofen before you book an appointment to say that you've tried "everything" and/or that you "don't believe in tablets".
Do not attend sales at any store that opens hours after Christmas Day in the hope of securing a bargain. If we all just stop and think about where we really want to be at 4am on Boxing Day, I doubt it is in a queue to buy some Next jeans with £3 off. Don't go, and the stores might start opening later.
Please knock on your neighbour's door and get a contact number for them. Then, if for sake of argument, they don't isolate their water supply during freezing weather leading to your entire road's supply becoming disrupted when the pipes burst and thaw, you can come and unlock the door to find your house ankle deep in water, turn off the stopcock and arrange a plumber, rather than your neighbour having to call the Fire Brigade.
Give money to charity. Maybe it will keep the chuggers off the streets.
If you are planning to be in public, such as in a crowded shop or perhaps on a bus or train, please have a wash at some point in the days beforehand. Thanks.
If you are a journalist, please try to relate your headlines and emphasis to reflect the facts and gravitas of the story. Especially where science is concerned. (cf. BBC News 24 "headlining" the fact that Northern Irish "have not had a shower in 2 days... and must take THEIR OWN containers to water collection points" following the arctic-induced drought.)
If you are a politician, tell me what you plan to do and how you plan to do it. I do not want to hear how other politicians have failed me, how their plan is not as good as your plan or how "there should be an inquiry". You'll convince me much better with positive information about yourself backed up with facts I can verify far more than simply spouting playground teasing of others.

That is all. Happy 2011. (Bah Humbug)

The Twelve(ish) Days of Xmas

2010-12-30T19:49:00.004Z

20th December:
Horrendous locum shift at previous workplace. Taken advantage of; had to trial a new "system" of unblockable A&E referrals (predictably resulting in a doubling of workload); minimal senior support between 1-5pm; and witnessing a tragedy caused by others but cleaned up partially by me and mainly by a good friend.

21st December:
Trafford Centre for last minute gift gathering in what was nearly a stress-free visit (with a free 30 minute round trip walking to the car park)
Present wrapping.
Romantic evening with Dave

22nd December:
Last minute gift buying in Preston.
Set off for Southampton via Manchester.
Crashed car into central reservation as a result of combination of knobheads on M40 near Warwick. Mental overtaking lorries, snow and ice in the road, drivers leaving less than 50cm gap, drivers cruising from lane to lane at 70mph+ and a previous accident in lane 3 all led to the longest ten seconds of my life as I simultaneously made the best of an inevitable skid situation and figured out how not to die by crashing into traffic or a car stuck on lane 3.
M40 closed for 30 minutes as I was accident No. 12 that evening.
Spent evening chatting to Highways Agency and then a recovery guy who was like my angel.
Home and quite lengthy hugs with family.
Not a great night's sleep.

23rd December:
Insurance company, figuring out work and calming down.
Last of present wrapping.
Some Glee DVD.
Evening of Coach Trip by the fire.

Christmas Eve
Celebrated Polish Christmas with my family although the dreary "Midnight" Mass at 8.30pm even annoyed my ultra-Catholic grandmother.
Delicious borscht courtesy of my new aunt Elena!

Christmas Day
Christmas with both sets of grandparents for first time in many years. Wonderful!

Boxing Day
Glee catches on as my dad happens to see the Madonna episode and then mum gets in on the action. Third of the series covered in one day. Brother not impressed AT ALL!

27th December
Our old New Zealander friend Ros comes to stay for a day or three and we talk about food lots. And have a drink or three.

28th December
Last day at home. See Lozza for lunch and end of year catch up in Jolly Sailor.
Supposedly flying home (now that car is in a garage in Manchester somewhere) but fog in Southampton prevents this (after a thoughtful 4 hour wait in the airport).

29th December
Up at 5am to try and get flight... cancelled again and train is going to cost about £100. Have to cancel work and then feel guilty as every news bulletin declares the day "the busiest of the year" for A&Es.
Take a walk around foggy Woolston and go to the shore to listen to the cacophony of fog horns despite zero visibility.

30th December
Poor information from FlyBE and BAA mean arrive at airport to check in for 2nd rebooking only for flight to then be delayed for 4 hours.
Arrive back in Manc a mere 39 hours after initially suspected.
Misti saves the day by driving me to garage to find car not as damaged as could have been (good safety rating huh?)

Let's just say I'm looking forward to 2011!

Please drive safely.

Christmas List

2010-11-11T18:50:00.005Z

By no means exhaustive, to deny creativity, or to suggest I expect any gifts at all, but merely a guide to things I might buy for myself were it not for the approaching season. (that is all)

Basic book about astronomy and looking at stars
GAP/Burton clothes
Chocolate
Kitchen knives
Any French & Saunders DVD [hmv.com]
Royle Family DVD [hmv.com]
Any L'Oreal for Men stuff
Black boots [like these in Burton] (size 10)
Food based gifts are always a winner
I like Lush stuff too!
Body Shop Ice Blue Shampoo

There might be more, but this is a guide. Please let me know your "wants" too!

Thanks

2010-11-06T17:47:00.002Z

In a bid to reverse my 3 month bout of overwheleming negativity, I decided to count how often someone said "thank you" to me at work this week.

This failed on two parts. One, I completely forgot about one hour in, but also, as a cynical ploy to justify why I felt undervalued, it just didn't work. Why?

Cos loads of people DID say thank you. And it was from the best group of people. My patients.

I sometimes wonder if perhaps I get a little too close to my patients, on a Friday evening it is now not uncommon for me to personally wish each patient well and for them to comment on my weekend when I come back on Monday.
I've told them where to get a similar coat to mine for their son, chatted about X-Factor, and even been offered grapes and home-made wine.

Don't get me wrong, I don't take them all down the pub after work, but I like to think I have a positive impact on their care beyond the medical. I don't put it on so that they "like" me... but it's a very welcome side-effect.

The time that set alarm bells off in my head was when a patient wanted to complain on my behalf... i.e. they felt we as staff weren't treated well by our bosses, although they had nothing but praise for the efforts we'd made ("above & beyond" and all that). Had I/we got too close to this patient?

The conclusion I've come to is that no, we hadn't. Being professional doesn't have to mean being stoic and boring. Being in hospital is BORING, and motivation is such an important factor in getting well. By letting our patients "in" on our banter and lives helps lift their spirits.

And you know what, however undervalued I feel by "the bosses", it doesn't matter. The customer is always right, don't you know?!

Job Satisfaction

2010-10-20T20:57:00.003+01:00

I remember being at school, thinking about careers having done one of those computer programs that told me my top 3 careers were "Funeral Director, Embalmer and Fence Erector". I remember that every grown-up I asked told me NOT to pursue their own career. And I remember changing my mind a few times through my Upper Sixth... I wanted to be an interpreter in the EU, then pursue journalism, then considered something science-y before somehow settling on medicine.

Anyopne who's read my blog before will know I haven't always been happy with my job, and the nature of an introspective activity like blogging is that you're unlikely to post your happiest times because you're out busy HAVING those happy times! So please read on in the knowledge that there have definitely been many happy times over the past two years!

Nevertheless I meet very few people that enjoy every day of their job. Why is that?

Is it that I work in the NHS? I would hazard a guess that the free-to-all nature of the NHS makes it likely that working in the UK as a professional offers a different and unique experience than anywhere else. I find it hard to accept that my actual role as portrayed in TV drama, the news and at various Trust inductions is that of a caring individual who will ensure excellent care and quality to each and every patient I see. (Unless you get your news from the Daily Mail, in which case my role is to give you cancer).

Does that sound awful? I wish it were my role. What I actually find is that in a typical week I will try and start optimisic but am gradually dragged down. To enable an "excellent" experience for a patient is, in my view, impossible en masse. I certainly think some patients do get it. I don't think that the service pressure enables it to be possible for all though.

It's all about expectation I suppose. We're conditioned to think that the best possible is what we should aim for. But from a public health and economic point of view, actually achieving that is costly, and the model most hospitals actually work on is "adequate" care as a minimum. That is to say, you get everything done that you need, but not neccessarily as quickly or painless or beautifully as you'd like.
I love it on Casualty when one of the doctors spends an entire episode comforting a patient. In real life I have to see, make decisions and actions on about 5-10 patients an hour, as opposed to the hour of on-on-one people seem to get at Holby City. Maybe I should look for jobs there.

Some of my saddest days are those where I have to decide whether to stay late in order to make that patient experience more than adequate. I'll admit the sadness comes as I have to acknowledge that my own life cannot become subsumed by my job more often. There's only so many times you can cancel meeting friends or partners.

Should I work more than my contracted hours to do this? Part of me wants to. And patients would value it.

The mercenary side of me wonders whether it is my responsibility. I work a 48 hour average week for a decent wage. But 48 hours is 6 eight-hour days a week. To work just an extra hour a day really adds up.

Here's the maths. In my 27 months of work, there have been 15 months of posts where I work at least an extra hour per day. That is 6 hours extra a week. 24 a month. And so taking into account holiday and such, about 240 extra hours a year. (This is a rough estimate not a figure to start quoting...)

Every doctor I know does this. What is the size of the NHS junior doctor workforce? I don't know... Thousands of doctors? Just how many hours go unrecognised, but contribute to improved patient experience?

What becomes even more frightening is that consultants work way more hours than they are supposedly contracted to. And don't even get me started on nursing staff, whom as a professional group at large go so above and beyond it's a joke.

What am I trying to say then?

There are a lot of underappreciated and miserable NHS staff who bust a gut unnoticed and unrecognised every hour of every day. Maybe some of us are crap, but most of us aren't. NHS funding has been ringfenced in the recent sweeping Budget cuts... good. But I think the expectations of the public, as fed by goverment and media are steadily leading to catastrophe. "Excellent" comes at a price. Adequate may just have to do.

What I really really want.

2010-09-27T22:52:00.003+01:00

(Just a quick one really, to remind myself that this thing exists)

Knowing what you want can be pretty difficult. I'm learning this right now. It's easy to not like something, but to figure out why that is, what you can do about it, and what you should be aiming for instead are questions that take some time.

I've always been a thinker, and probably an over-thinker at that. But like Aisleyne I do know myself and how I tick. I didn't always used to, and I think I'm better at it now. Which is probably why I'm generally more happy and comfortable in my skin now than ever before.

Life likes to test you though, and I'm using my reserves at the moment to try and keep sight of the prize.

I'm looking forward to lots of things, and know that I'll look back on these past few months as a goodbad experience (doublethink).

World Cup

2010-06-13T14:40:00.002+01:00

They (perhaps unsurprisingly) don't have Slovenia as a team option....

Eurovision 2010 Semi-Final 2: part two

2010-05-20T22:43:00.003+01:00

8 Ukraine
"Sweet People" - Alyosha

You do wonder about the quality control measures in place when you watch this OFFICIALLY RELEASED promo for the Ukraine. The first 30 seconds nip in and out of tune and the camera focus is mental. I can't even remember if I like this or not. I know it doesn't make any sense.

9 Netherlands
"Ik ben verliefd (Sha-la-lie)" - Sieneke (I'm in love)

A slightly mental circus opening distracts from what is a sort of catchy song but this is unlikely to turn the tides against the Netherlands bad luck/choices over the past few years.

10 Romania
"Playing with Fire" - Paula Seling & Ovi

I really like the hook in this song, but there's bits that are awful and I'm not sure how I feel at the end. The video's the same: the dual piano is pretty cool, but the whole video game aspect is just desperately lacking in focus. And as usual with these Eastern European duos, they pair up a hot girl singer with some lardy bloke. "A" for effort but not for the finished product.

11 Slovenia
"Narodnozabavni rock" - Ansambel Žlindari & Kalamari (Native Folk Rock)

The damned accordions are back and they're still not welcome. This is just an embarrassment from my adopted home country. A simple "No" suffices here. Oh dear.

12 Ireland
"It's for you" - Niamh Kavanagh

This is actually quite pleasant and reminiscint of the type of entries that Ireland used to win with back in the 90s. Trouble is, that was 20 years ago. Nevertheless the start is right out an X-Factor winner's song, which might be a good thing. And we haven't even got to the tin whistle, making a welcome return.

13 Bulgaria
"Angel si ti" - Miro (You're an angel)

This is one of my favourites, assuming he sings well which you can never judge from the video. Love the "oh-woh-woh bits", and actually the Bulgarian I don't understand but he makes me want to... there goes another Eurovision crush.

14 Cyprus
"Life Looks Better in Spring" - Jon Lillygreen and the Islanders

It may well be true but I'm not feeling this song. Boring. Boring. Yawn.

15 Croatia
"Lako je sve" - Feminem (Everything is easy)

Feminem represented Bosnia-Herzegovina a few years back with a decididly camp number so I was surprised to see this. Pleasantly surprised, I'm a sucker for Balkan angst and moody black and white videos.

16 Georgia
"Shine" - Sopho Nizharadze

A quite nice ballad really from a quite nice singer. And I like the cleaning element of the chorus "Wipe the dust off your love". You'd never get a native English person coming up with genius lyrics like that. I'm not even sure if I'm still being sarcastic.

17 Turkey
"We Could Be The Same"- maNga
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These fellas are described as "the Turkish MUSE", which is not a bad comparison. However, whilst the chorus of this song is quite good and catchy; the verses are dull fillers, unlike Muse. The video is pretty cool though.

----------

So there we are, that's all the semi-final songs in round 2. The only five we haven't looked at are France, Germany, Spain, Norway & the UK, as they all automatically qualify for the Final. I'll get round to them though, don't worry.

So who should go through from the second semi final?

My favourites here are the ever-catchy Azerbaijan ("Drip drop drip drop"), which is tipped to win with odds of 2-1 or less. Bulgaria is a close second. Lithuania, Croatia, Georgia, Armenia and Denmark also probably deserve to go through. And as much as it pains me, Slovenia, is the least deserving country.

Semi-Final Two: Part One

2010-05-03T23:26:00.004+01:00

So after the first 17 songs that were more miss than hit in the first semi-final, we hopefully move onto a better set in Semi Final Two (broadcast 2000 CET 27/05/2010 onBBC3)

1 Lithuania
"East European Funk" - InCulto

This is a cool and sometimes corny ska-influenced number to start the show, and it's a crowd pleaser... well at least the crowds of people in Lithuanian supermarkets judging from the video. There's a few references to us "all being in the EU" etc which nicely topicalise what is actually a pretty good 3 minutes.

2 Armenia
"Apricot Stone" - Eve Rivas

I've listened to this a few times now and whilst I kind of like it, I still don't really understand what it's about... apricot stones from the motherland? But she sings it like it means everything, so perhaps something got lost in the translation. Then again, she does bang on about the winds affecting the harvest and her "cherished fruit" - is the apricot an Armenian equivalent of cherry I wonder...?

3 Israel
"Milim" - Harel Skaat ("Words")

I think I make this comment every year, but Hebrew is not a beautiful sounding language. Although Harel is sufficiently distracting to look at that perhaps it doesn't matter.

4 Denmark
"A moment like this" - Chanée and N'evergreen

This brilliantly-named duo are like the elder siblings of Same Difference, with more hairspray and guitars. There's nothing else sounding like this in the Contest this year, and it's pretty catchy, so who knows? But the song never gets away with the fact it is perfect for an X Factor winner. It's good, but it's not right.

5 Switzerland
"Il Pleut de L'Or" Michael von der Heide ("It's raining gold")

It's hard to not play the cheap shot and comment on the irony that a man with such prominent ears didn't listen to his own song. Oops. Seriously though, this is all a bit embarrassing, like watching your gay dad do karaoke - you have to watch but feel uncomfortable throughout.

6 Sweden
"This is my life" - Anna Bergendahl

You can usually rely on Sweden to provide a catchy pop tune with some kind of dance routine, so you spend the 3 minutes of this track waiting for sequinned dancers, or a back beat to emerge on this, but it never happens. Once you've got over that, it's an okay guitar ballad, akin to Delta Goodrem I suppose, but not really stand out. I guess I'm just used to better things from Sweden. Disappointing.

7 Azerbaijan
"Drip Drop" - Safura

And so onto the favourite. And it's easy to see why. Forget the snide "it's not even in Europe", we're going to Baku next year if Safura pulls this off. It's a great, contemporary bittersweet ballad, with minimal translation issues and relatively gimmick-free. Altogether now... "Drip drop drip drop, wa-oh wa-oh...". Lovely.

Eurovision 2010 Semi-Final One: part three

2010-04-27T22:32:00.005+01:00

Well here's the final seven songs from the first semi-final, and I have to say, so far it's going to be tough to pick the ten best... and not in a good way.

11 Malta "My Dream" - Thea Garrett

This is quite a passable ballad actually, and she's a good singer, which always makes things easier. You kind of pick up the words too, so end up singing along with the second chorus. I'm not certain it will be a stand-out moment though.

12 Albania "It's All About You" - Julia Pasha

Juliana is perhaps Albania's answer to Lady Gaga. She's got a sofa handging from the trees, a bed in the lake and a very stoic military boyfriend. She release what at first seems to be a rat but turn out to be a bird from her butterfly tattooed hand at one point.
The song is pretty catchy too, and it should stand out, being that it follows a ballad and precedes the utter dross that is about to follow.

13 Greece "OPA" - Giorgios Alkaios & Friends

This is such a disaster I don't even know where to begin. Greece have currently managed to avoid relegation from the Final for the last 6 odd years by sending great artists with great pop songs. And so this year, the follow-up is... their grandad. In leather. WELL DONE EVERYBODY

14 Portugal "Há dias assim" - Filipa Azevedo (It's One of Those Days)

Well it's okay I suppose. It doesn't really help that she looks like she might be in the cast of Portugal's "Shameless", or all the "szh" noises you get in Portugese. It's not Portugal's year. Again.

15 FYR Macedonia "Jas ja imam silata" - Gjoko Taneski, Billy Zver and Pejcin (I have the strength)

They do actually look like a pub band. Which doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. And it might have just avoided that fate, were it not the Macedonian rap uneasily cajoled into the middle section. Dad-rock +poor-man's Timbaland is a bit like a Marmite and Sprout cake. You'll either hate it... or not even want to try it.

16 Belarus "Butterflies" - 3+2

I've gotten used to utter dross coming out of this dictatorship that I didn't even bother to listen to this the first time, and what a mistake. It's brilliant, a really good ballad, and it somehow stays just the right side of cheesy for the majority. Well worth a listen.

17 Iceland "Je ne sais quoi" - Hera Björk

Thank god, an ubergay hands-up-in-the-air number to round of the first semi-final. It's even sung by a diva in black velvet frills. Dry ice - check. Key change - check. Wind machine - check. It's got it all. 'nuff said.

Okay, so we're (actually only just halfway) through. But the first semi-final coountries are done. Who are my favourites?

Iceland clearly comes top, followed by Belarus. Honourable mentions for Estonia, Moldova, Belgium and Albania.

Semi-Final Two & Big Four reviews soon.

Eurovision 2010: Semi Final One (part deux)

2010-04-25T23:09:00.007+01:00

[By the way, if you're reading these Eurovish-blogs on Facebook, you probably aren't getting the joy of the actual YouTube videos, so do click on the "original post" link at the bottom, or go direct to www.seb-pillon.blogspot.com]

5 Finland
"Työlki ellää" - Kuunkuiskaajat (One can work for a living, too)

Oh dear god, it's the Finnish Mitchell sisters with some folk durge. Do feel free to clap along. If you like accordions, Melinda Messenger lookalikes and false camraderie between your lead singers, this is your winner. For any/everyone else, it's a no from me.

6 Latvia
"What for? (Only Mr God knows why)" - Aisha

Her Uncle Joe can't speak and she can't... well make a song to be honest. This is a bit weird. The actual title doesn't make sense which just shows how easy it must be to become a translator. Notice too the accordion in the background, it must be the instrument of choice in 2010.
One listen is enough, just for the lyric "Only Mr God Knows Why". Brilliant.

7 Serbia
"Ovo je Balkan" - Milan Stanković (This is The Balkans)

If you can resist the urge to mute after 5 seconds... you'll simply continue to have that urge for 3 minutes. The video is worth a watch though just to marvel at the chap's hair. But other than that it's trumpets, wailing and embroidered waistcoats throughout.

8 Bosnia-Herzegovina
"Thunder & Lightning" - Vukašin Brajić

I'll admit that it's hard for me to put aside my bias to love anything BiH churns out. But accent issues aside, I quite like this rock ballad, though I'll have no time for indulgent pre-recorded guitar solos in a live song contest.

9 Poland
"Legenda" - Marcin Mroziński (The Legend)

This is heavy going from the outset, but it kind of grows on you for a bit... and then the chorus kicks in and you regret saying that. I dread to think how the wailing vocal will sound live. But he's not a bad looker, truth be told.

10 Belgium
"Me and My Guitar" - Tom Dice

This is a sweet little surprise, and will stand out on the night, but it's probably not winning material. It's a nice guitar ballad and no gimmickry distracting from it. Unless you count the cardigan.

Wow, that was a trial huh? Tuesday 25th May is gonna drag huh?! Let's hope the back seven songs pick up a bit, or the final is gonna consist of accordion wielding wailers.

Eurovision 2010: Semi Final One

2010-04-25T22:38:00.008+01:00

The Eurovision season is upon us (well me, at least).

So now that all the countries have picked a song and are ferverently rehearsing and touring Europe in order to gain favour, I'm going to start working through the preview videos to see where I can have my toilet breaks come the actual night(s) of the contest.

The semi-final system is still running, which means freaks like me get 3 nights of pure Europop gold to sit through/enjoy/wish would just end.

The first semi-final gives us a clue as to the tone of the contest this year. The tradition is for everyone to try and copy the previous year's winner, and then usually the country that doesn't do that wins.

So the past few years have been inundated with violins, and an alarming trend towards folk music. Brilliant, I do love a Moldovan goat-herding chant mixed with Turkish base beats.

So over the next few weeks, you'll get to see what I think of the best* of European talent, starting with the first semi-final, which will see 10 acts make it to the final to join France, Germany, Spain, the UK and Norway. If you care why this is, take a look at Wikipedia.
So we don't get to vote in this semi-final, but who do I want to see through to the final?

1 Moldova
"Run Away" - SunStroke Project & Olia Tira

Liking the use of violins (but a year too late mate). Far better is the saxophone and the overuse of pink glitter and Helsinki Blonde hair dye in this actually not-so-bad number from the bizarrely named SunStroke Project.

2 Russia
"Lost & Forgotten" - Peter Nalitch & Friends

Oh dear, starting the song wailing away is never going to endear anyone now is it? Not that this improves. It's like a Channel Five reality show where a load of workmen get together to make a song in 3 days with hilarious consequences. And the facial expressions made by the lead singer seem to suggest he doesn't quite understand the lyrics he's singing. It's all worth it for the high notes near the end though. Not.

3 Estonia
"Siren" - Malcolm Lincoln and Manpower 4

Wow this is bleak. Not that I don't like it, indeed quite the opposite, I think it's quite cool, in a final-year arts student way. Even the video is like some concept piece. I think it's actually quite good. Not sure how this will translate to stage though... I can see it being phenomenal, but then again, I can see it looking like a main wailing for 3 minutes.

4 Slovakia
"Horehronie" - Kristina

Hmm. It's not so bad this in fact, but it never seems to go anywhere. The dancer blokes look utterly ridiculous in their green plastic leaf costumes playing with giant elastic bands but at least it's more interesting than the folk waistcoats at the end of the video.
The song is apparently an ode to the Horehronie tourism region, how exciting.
It's all nice but a bit dull. Which means it might do quite well. But I'm bored already.

There's 13 songs to go (and that's just the first semi-final) so expect more blogs...

Chica Bomb

2010-04-25T22:19:00.003+01:00

My brother re-edited this video for UK release recently.

You won't recognise the artist as Moldovan popstar Dan Balan (although being the europop freak I am, I did) from O-Zone.

You know... this one...

Ah yes.

But take a look again at Olly's video. I especially like the writhing at 1:19 and 1:29.

Any jobs going at FHM/Nuts/Zoo...?!

Kick Ass

2010-04-25T21:59:00.003+01:00

Olly and I went to see Kick Ass the other night, courtesy of Orange Wednesday. I actually think I take the mickey out of the AMC a little... I also get a 999 discount so the whole night ends up costing about £5 for two. Brilliant.

ANYway...

I wasn't sure what to think before it started. I'd seen some actor interviews, but no trailers.

The film is actually pretty good, all about a superhero wannabe geek, dressed in a catalogue wetsuit ("Kick Ass"). He starts out pretty lame really, getting all his bones shattered trying to do good. But you kind of know that in the end he'll prove that you don't need super-powers to do good. Just a $300, 000 jet-pack (which seems pretty cheap for what it is huh?!)

My favourite characters were Hit Girl and Big Daddy, who have an unhealthy interest in weaponry. Nic Cage is brilliant as Big Daddy, and I usually can't stand him.
The action scenes were great - both funny and with no over-the-top gushing blood stuff, which I find irritating. Watching a 9 year old girl take down a whole gang in one go is just brilliant to watch.

The teen angst part is kinda old hat, but doesn't chug up the plot so much, so I'll let it go. And of course he gets the girl in the end... just like a real superhero.

I'll give it 8/10.

A&E

2010-04-22T12:57:00.004+01:00

I dreaded A&E. The thought of working there made me a nervous wreck for the last part of summer. How on Earth was I going to be able to work in such a busy environment? Having to face loads of conditions I had maybe only read about before... some years ago. Maybe.

It was with massive trepidation that I started at 4pm on that first day.

And it wasn't that bad. I remember my first patient, an old lady with a urinary tract infection. Not even very ill. But I'll never forget the wry smile of the staff grade as I double-checked she would be safe to go home.... "What's the worst that could happen?" he said, causing me to stutter out a list of reasons why I might be responsible for her imminent death. He, of course, stopped me with a hand on my shoulder... "...she'll be fine. Now, next patient!"
By the end of that shift at midnight, I'd surprised myself with what I knew.

On my second day I was assigned to Children's A&E. Terrified, I wandered over, expecting a rush of clapped out kids. Instead, I spent the afternoon looking at coughs and colds, banged heads and bruised knees. Until about 8pm, when a 9 year old autistic kid came in, his hand bloody following his exploration of a moving lawnmower blade.

Remarkably, he wasn't too upset, and with some help from a patient nurse, I sutured my first hand. It went as well as could be expected for a kid who kept giggling (from the Entonox) and wriggling so he could see what I was doing better!

And so time went on. I think it was 6 weeks in when I first saw a small fracture that I wasn't already looking for from clear physical signs. I stunned myself - I never thought I'd actually be able to interpret an X-ray! On a future X-ray, I later found out that a small scaphoid fracture I'd suspected was actually there but which the consultant didn't feel was evident was confirmed by radiological reporting. Brilliant.

Of course, there were plenty of times the consultants questioned what I had done, which at first was intimidating, but I soon learned to value. I'd never had such great teaching or felt like I had learnt so much before.

As the weeks went on, my fear of the resuscitation room turned to a morbid pleasure - I loved the acute assessment of patients, and was really proud of the first standby arrest call that I led. It was a horrible situation, a young patient with sudden death, that was terribly upsetting, but I really felt I'd done all I could, and tried to help the family in that initial few hours.

About 3 months into the job, I had to consider what to apply for in terms of specialist training. having been a gung-ho psychiatrist-wannabe for 3 years, I was now wracked with confusion. I LOVED coming to work in A&E... should I think about a career in it?
The feeling lasted about two weeks... many advised that the initial excitement would soon boil down to boredom after a few years. And I didn't see myself as an "multiple RTA" or open-thoracotomy type-of-person as a 45 year old.
But after a frank chat with one of the best consultants, I realised I really did enjoy the acute medical patients, the COPDs, the asthmatics and heart attacks.
And so I applied for core medical training, something which still surprise both me and my friends.

If I was born 5 years ago, the medical training system would have meant I could have done a year or so of A&E jobs, and I kind of wish for that system. I don't feel like I've done enough yet, and would love to head back to do some more training there.

And where else do doctors get their goriest, funniest, scariest and most tragic stories from?

So if you ever want to hear about what that man had lodged up his ass, the time I made a mother vomit over her child, dropped my stethoscope on a ripe tampon, or why I almost made the Bolton News, buy me a pint.

If noble moments is what you're after, perhaps I could tell the story of the wife of the patient I cared for over 5 hours as he died in A&E, supporting him unwaveringly until the moment he relaxed? Or the time our patient was found to have a previously unknown lung tumour invading his aorta, leading to him arriving coughing up his entire blood volume? The man beaten in the face whilst protecting his wife. The lovely old man with a clearly visible skull fracture.

Of course, there's the moans. The hundred of coughs and colds I sore. The patient's who'd sprained their ankles but "didn't belive in painkillers". The four-hour breach (incidentally I set a record with a patient leaving the department with 20 seconds to go - something I shouldn't be but am very proud of!). The surgeons. The orthopods. The bloomin' CRISIS team.

And let's never forget the scores of flirtatious old ladies. I've still got it (as did Pete and Adam).

To every patient that had to wait, for whatever reason, I'm sorry. We all worked as hard as possible. It's just unlucky that everyone seems to get ill at the same time. And I know you can never get a GP appointment when you want to. But many of you seemed to agree that Bolton's A&E was fantastic. Cos it bloody well is.

Maybe I couldn't hack working there for the rest of my life. But I'll be damned if I don't defend those that do for the rest of my working life. If it wasn't for the A&E staff, every other health worker's life would be far more miserable.

Coming up

2010-04-22T12:54:00.004+01:00

I realise I hadn't really blogged much for a while - just photos and stuff and I quite liked the blogs I did for each of my Foundation training posts in Bolton.

I also hear there's an Election on the horizon.

And then there's Eurovision. Ah yes, the video blogs are on the way back.

So I'm going to play catch up a bit and write a fair amount I think over the next few days/weeks.

Just FYI.

The Day of Snow

2010-01-05T21:08:00.001Z

Yeah it was hard to get to work but things do look pretty in the snow.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T13:48:00.002Z

Live from the Pillon-Krzymuski dinner table

A beautiful winter's day

2009-12-17T22:24:00.002Z

The view from Platt Fields Park

The old A&E gang at Christmas

2009-12-12T22:04:00.001Z

Tess, Andre and Adam lend Sarah some support...

The Journo & (another) Lawyer

2009-10-17T23:38:00.006+01:00

The Lawyer and The Doctor

2009-10-17T23:38:00.005+01:00

The great professions get wasted.

Apathy

2009-09-28T00:45:00.005+01:00

It's been a while hasn't it?

There's a good reason but something I'll leave to explain for another time.

It's 1am on a Sunday night and there really are better thinsg to do than tap away in my living room. But I was reading some old posts and it made me think a little about where I am (and I don't mean literally... I've already established where I physically am).

I used to be what I thought was a "considered part-time activist". I'm not the type to shout my beliefs from rooftops, but certain things really get to me, and I used to be a lot more involved in trying to change them.
I now find myself taking the easy road so often, reasoning that the effort required to change something is not worth it. I think I hate apathy more than anything in the world, so I find myself embarrassed to realise that I have become apathetic. The lack of blogs along is perhaps a sign of that... I think I felt there was no point in writing anything because what was it doing except taking up memory on a server somewhere?

I realise that I've been irritated by little things a lot but not really done anything about them. And this week, I challenged some racist "jokes" at work. I'll be honest and say that part of my upset/anger was because I had a personal relationship with the person in question, so maybe my motivation was not quite altruistic. Nevertheless, the experience has jolted me into remembering that standing up for things was something once very important and prominent in my life.

I've spent many years being teased for simple easy things like recycling or re-using shopping bags. Every housemate I've had has seen me rummaging through the bin to retrieve tin cans they've thrown out, or tut when they come back from ASDA with a zillion carrier bags.
There's photographic evidence of me running around University with a rainbow cape on my back. I've written in a student newspaper about religious tolerance. I rarely let people get away with using the word "gay" as an insulting term.

I think it's easy to think that one person can't make a difference, because actually one person can't affect that kind of change by themselves. But what I had started to forget until this week was that one person can remind others of important things, and in that way, perhaps change can be affected.

Is change important? I think so. Perhaps the hardest and first problem is getting other people to agree with that.

Slovenian Beer Wars

2009-07-25T09:17:00.001+01:00

The two main beers/pivi in Slovenia are Union and Lasko. A common phrase outside of Ljubljana, where Union is brewed, is "I drink Lasko and piss Union". We tried a few just to be sure. And our mission is ongoing...

Chilling in Piran

2009-07-25T09:09:00.001+01:00

Tartinjev Trg/Piazza Tartini/Tartini Square by night. It was full of children and dogs running about with bands in the centre.

Ljubljana by night

2009-07-21T19:14:00.001+01:00

This is why i keep coming back... A 'pivo' by the river is just magic.

Home & Away

2009-06-14T23:20:00.004+01:00

My friend Natalie left Manchester today, and whilst it's not like I won't see her again, it was still one of those "goodbye" moments. It's kind of got me thinking about a lot of things, not least all the friends I've said goodbye to as they've left Manchester for one reason or another.

I've lived here for nearly 7 years now... in fact, the house I'm in now is very nearly the place I've spent longest in my life. As an 18 year-old applying to Uni, I guess I didn't really think about much other than A-level grades and where I'd be going out at night. And without thinking about it, this place has gradually become more than just somewhere I live, but somewhere I might consider home. Hell, I've started growing vegetables in my yard, and if that's not a sign of settling in I don't know what is!

But something Natalie said has sat with me this afternoon. Home is not a place, a house or your surroundings. It's where people you care about are.
Over the past few years I've said goodbye to a fair few people who made Manchester my home. I've waved goodbye to people like Steve, who I think about a lot (and luckily get to stay with in Seville every now and again) and Andrew, who is now a barrister.
In my final year of medical school, I made a fair few new friends, a lot forged in that time in Blackburn. Andy, Nick and Kath now work and live in Edinburgh, Devon & Leeds, whilst Rach lives in Liverpool. Lauren is back in Canada (soon to be Detroit) and Kat has travelled the globe.

I keep in touch with some of these better than others. And even with e-mail, Facebook and international roaming, there are plenty others whom I neglect.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that my "home" is pretty spread out. I can sit here, alone in my house now, but think of all those times where I've been elsewhere that felt like home: falling over in the Alameda de Hercules, sleeping under a desk in Sefton Park, singing Abba at 3am somewhere between Montreal and Ottowa, getting takeaway in Leeds... the list is long.

I don't know where I'll end up. Right now, it ranges from right here, to Sarajevo, Ljubljana or Malaga and right back to Southampton, Portsmouth and London. You know what? I wouldn't even rule out Blackburn!
So don't let me be a stranger... I might come knocking one day!

A day in the life of a Psychiatry SHO

2009-05-21T18:48:00.003+01:00

I think someone got caught unawares!

The Glamour of Sale Water Park

2009-05-21T18:48:00.001+01:00

Lucy, Stacy & Jess glam up the sights in Sale.

We're in love with fairytales

2009-05-21T18:45:00.001+01:00

Seb and Rachel only had a little to drink at EuroFest09.

An important duty

2009-05-04T17:52:00.006+01:00

Okay, so with less than a week to go, I thought I'd make you aware of an important duty, which is that the UK votes on which 10 countries progress to the final of the Eurovision Song Contest.

The first Eurovision Semi-Final will be broadcast on Tuesday 12th May on BBC Three (with ace commentary from Sarah Cawood and Paddy O'Connell). As a big country we automatically get through to the final, but we still help to choose who our competition is in one of the two semi-finals. With 42 countries in total, there are 21 in each semi-final, and it has to be said, the better songs are in the second one.

The following countries are performing, and here's a brief review of the songs. If I like them, I'll post the video, to try and convince you, but links of the country names will take you to the BBC page if you're curious about something I've missed...

Montenegro / Crna Gora
Andrea Demirovic - Just Get Out of My Life

This is a delightful euro-camp-fest, but it's a little "Pop Idol - Disco Week". Look out for the male dancer onstage who the Schlagerboys call "a big dancing jessie".

Czech Republic / Česká republika
Gipsy.cz - Aven Romale
"Come on Gipsies!" - you'd be forgiven for pulling a face at that title, and you'd be right to, cos this song is not a grower.

Belgium / België / Belgique
Copycat - Copycat
An Elvis-A-Like croons out this Fifties-style song, but the "cat-call" that starts it off makes me want to switch off.

Belarus / Беларусь
Petr Elfimov - Eyes That Never Lie
It's all a bit earnest really, and he looks a bit of a fool with that bizarre straightened blonde fringe.

Sweden /Sverige
Marlena Ernman - La Voix

Oh Sweden, you never let us down! Opera + Popdance beat can't fail can it? It's got the traditional key-change for the last verse, and a dance routine involving masks. Brilliant.

Armenia / Հայաստան
Inga & Anush - Jan Jan

This song is brilliantly mental - "We are dancing NOR PAR" - what does that even mean?! And they look so completely oblivious to how astonishingly ridiculous they are throughout. It's awful, but I keep getting drawn back.

Andorra
Susanne Georgi - La Teva Decisió (Get A Life)
Oh poor Andorra. I do feel a bit sorry for them, so tiny, but this song captures "90's single woman singer-songwriter" for me and it's not my bag.

Switzerland / Schweiz / Suisse / Svizzera
Lovebugs - The Highest Heights

This was produced by U2 and I think it shows. I quite like this song, which is so different from the rest of Eurovision it sits apart - which might mean it does very well.

Turkey / Türkiye
Hadise - Düm Tek Tek

This is pretty catchy, danceworthy and has a little "arriba" noise 2/3 through which does it for me. Plus I like the "Düm Tek TEK!" chorus a bit too much.

Israel / יִשְׂרָאֵל‎
Noa and Mira Awad - There Must Be Another Way
It's one of those "meaningful" songs - and I can't be bothered this year. Plus I don't think Hebrew was designed with singing in mind, there's something about hocking at the back of your throat that kind of kills the mood.

Bulgaria / България
Krassimir Avramov - Illusion
This is so OTT it's not even funny. There's only so much high-pitched wailing I can take from a man, even one as built as old Krassimir.

Iceland / Ísland
Yohanna - Is It True?
A plain ballad from Iceland - a bit disappointing really, like one of those X Factor acts who is pleasant enough and you continue to like when you know deep down they should have been voted off weeks ago.

F.Y.R. Macedonia / Македонија
Next Time - Neshto Shto Ke Otsane [Something That Will Remain]
Just a simple no here. Though the boys do have nice perms.

Romania / România
Elena - Balkan Girls

"The Balkan girls they like to party like nobody" - it's all pleasant enough.

Finland / Suomi
Waldo's People - Lose Control

This is excellent, a bit Bomfunk MC (which is perhaps not surprising, given both acts are Finnish).

Portugal
Flor-de-lis - Todas As Ruas Do Amor

This has the dubious honour of being my most played Eurovision 2009 song. I like that whilst many countries have opted to sing in English, Portugal remains steadfast in only using Portugese in this folky song. Portugal has participated in the Contest for longer than any other without securing a win, and I wouldn't mind if this were to do it.

Malta
Chiara - What If We
Chiara seems to enter Eurovision every other year and always with a yearning ballad. Same old, same old...

Bosnia and Herzegovina / Bosna i Hercegovina
Regina - Bistra Voda [Clear Water]

Now I actually quite like this one, but maybe because I have a soft spot for Bosnia. It's got sweet lyrics and I like the tinkly bits at the start.

Georgia / საქართველო
Georgia were due to take part but withdrew following that war with Russia, where, incidentally, the contest is being held this year. Then they came back, with a song called "We don't wanna Put-In", a barely veiled reference to Russia's Prime Minister, so they got banned. Oops.

So my favourites to hopefully make the Final are: Montenegro, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey, Romania, Finland, Portugal & Bosnia-Herzegovina. What are yours? We'll find out in week.

Demones en Manchester

2009-05-03T22:00:00.002+01:00

Demons and fireworks at the Baleric festival in Manchester

Eurovision Hotties

2009-04-30T23:16:00.013+01:00

Whilst I continue to blast out this years Eurovision entries on YouTube, here's a little diversion as we take a little look at the boys on offer this year...

Zoli Adok (Hungary/Magyar)
Zoli was Hungary's third choice for Eurovision (two others dropped out), but luckily for us, we get to see his dance & acrobatic skills in Moscow. Plus, he dresses up as a sailor in his video and isn't shy of sequins or glitter it seems...
VERDICT: Take Me To Your Heaven

Niels Brinck (Denmark/Danmark)
Not bad for a ginge, though what is that neckerchief all about huh?
VERDICT: You're my lover, undercover

Alexander Rybak (Norway/Norge)
Little Alexander plays away on his violin during his song, and I think he's pretty cute.
VERDICT: Boom Bang-A-Bang!

Regina (Bosnia & Herzegovina/Bosna i Hercegovina)
Regina are a Bosnian rock band made up of Aleksandar, Bojan, Denis & Davor who have reunited, Take That style, for Eurovision 2009. I'm pleased they did.
VERDICT: Ooh, aah, just a little bit

Petr Elfimov (Belarus/Беларусь)
Underneath that astonishing hair "style" Petr might not be so bad... oh who am I trying to kid, he'd scare blind children away. And once he started singing, the deaf ones would be of too.
VERDICT: Save All Your Kisses For... someone else

Igor Cukrov (Croatia/Hrvatska)
I think he won the Croatian equivalent of Fame Academy, and his smile is cute enough. I quite like his Croatian swarthiness, even if his song is a bit of yawn-fest.
VERDICT: Every Way That I Can

Sakis Rouvas (Greece/Ελληνική)
I think pictures speak a thousand words here.
VERDICT: This Is Our Night

And, lastly, it's not always the main act that you should be watching...

Svetlana Loboda (Ukraine/Україна)
Whilst Svetlana isn't my bag, Ukraine has a good history of having some great backing dancers, and costumes aside, this year doesn't dissappoint...
VERDICT: Go Go Wild Dancers!

Forty stories tall...

2009-04-28T22:43:00.001+01:00

The magnificent Girls Aloud at the MEN

Rusholme's Next Top Models

2009-04-28T22:42:00.001+01:00

Tyra would be proud

5 beers in...

2009-03-28T22:24:00.002Z

Visitando steve y juan en sevilla

Ottowa Senators 4 - Buffalo Sabres 2

2009-03-19T10:47:00.001Z

Giving the best of British Luck to the Sen(ator)s on Saint "Patty"s Day.

Canada so far...

2009-03-16T00:44:00.001Z

Sunset approaches as we look out over the lake at Lauren's family cottage.

Eurovision is coming

2009-03-07T16:02:00.009Z

Eurovision 2009 is coming and so clearly I'm started to get a little too excited. This year, the contest is taking place in Moscow, Russia, and there will be 42 countries taking part in 2 semi-finals, with the best 20 joining Frace, Spain, Germany, the UK and hosts Russia in the Final.

The wonder of YouTube means freaks like me can preview the songs in advance, and so here are some of my "favourites"... I'm using that term loosely to describe both songs I actually like as well as ones that are just plain awful.

So here they are... The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and... well just the plain Gay...

Finland/Suomi
Waldo's People: Lose Control
Official video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoYAPyBAo9U
Live:

I really like this song and love how Finland always enter a song that that would be popular in Finland.
VERDICT: Good

Bulgaria/България
Krassimir Avramov: Illusion

Here is a prime example of a singer who completely and utterly goes for it just that little bit too much.
VERDICT: Ugly

Norway/Norge
Alexander Ryback: Fairytale

I don't want to like this but it's a bit of a grower and he's a little bit cute.
VERDICT: Good

Slovenia/Slovenija
Quartissimo feat. Martina: Love Symphony

I'm loving all this OTT singing going on, but she keeps you waiting doesn't she? They guys playing violins also really need to either be fitter or do something vaguely interesting, given that instruments aren't actually live at Eurovision. I was waiting for them to rip their suits off revealing sequins or do some acrobatics, but no. They just jig about. A bit. Needs work boys!
VERDICT: Ugly.

Spain/España
Soraya: La noche es para mi

This is my favourite song, and it's one of the favourites to win. I like how she keeps doing Tyra Banks style poses in all her close ups, as well as how much grease seems to be in the hair of her backing dancers.
VERDICT: Good

Albania/Shqipërisë
Kejsi Tola: Carry me in your dreams

This is the most unbeliveably crap video you have ever seen, look out for her jogging-style dancing in front of the bluescreen! Plus her entirely bored face throughout. I think she really wants to win.
VERDICT: Bad Bad Bad

Greece/Ελλάδα
Sakis Rouva: This is our night

Sakis is a Greek heartthrob, and has both sang at and presented Eurovision in the last 5 years so might do pretty well. But there's something a little odd about a 30-something year old belting out disco numbers... hence...
VERDICT: Gay

Montenegro/Crna Gora
Andrea Demirovic: Just get out of my life

This song is the musical version of a gay break-up, all mock drama with ridiculous lyrics to a dance beat. It's also my clear winner for best (i.e. most sexually suggestive lyrics) with:
"Just get out of my, out of my, out of my head;
Just get out of my, out of my, out of my bed"
VERDICT: (most definitely) Gay

Cyprus/Κύπρος
Christina Metaxa: Firefly

Nice song, let's see if she can work on those tuning issues (i.e. a lot)
VERDICT: Ugly

Sweden/Sverige
Marlena Ernman: La Voix

What is it with the blinking violins this year? Russia had one in their winning entry last year so Slovenia, Norway, Estonia and now Sweden are following suit in glorious disbelief that Europe loves violins. Let's see shall we. Anyway, Sweden, who normally churn out some fabulous Europop have left me a little confused this year. It's opera with a disco beat. WTF?
VERDICT: Good? Bad? I'm undecided.

Azerbaijan/Azərbaycan
AySel & Arash: Always

All things considered, Azerbaijan aren't that bad and this song does get in your head. There's a little too much wailing at the end and the guy could lay of the sleaze but I bet this will make the final.
VERDICT: Good. Ish.

Malta
Chiara: What if we

This is Chiara's zillionth attempt at Eurovision and she still hasn't lost any weight, you'd think the stress might have some effect. Perhaps she just needs some better make-up. In any case, I like the particularly imaginative video concept: Just. Standing. In. Front. Of. A. Microphone.
VERDICT: U.G.L.Y.

Netherlands/Nederland
The Toppers: Shine

Sounds a bit like Katrina in the Waves, so maybe this will do well, given that it's all about "loving the one we hate" and "letting the darkness fade away". Loving the return of the hand-torch though, as debuted by Slovenia a year back. Great lyrics include "...love will make us glow in the dark".
VERDICT: Gay

Hungary/Magyarország
Zoli Ádok: Dance With Me

This came third in the Hungarian national selection, but the first and second place withdrew for some spurious reason, leading to this hidden gem of camp-ness featuring the lyrics "disco fantasy" and sailor costumes. F. A. B.
VERDICT: Gay = Good

And lastly, but not least, our own, home-grown entry. It's certainly no Scooch (I'll leave it up to you to decide if that's a good thing or not)

United Kingdom
Jade Ewen: My Time

This is very Andrew Lloyd Webber (funny that... given he wrote it) and you can't deny that she belts it out pretty well. Whether I actually love it is another question, but I think I like it. Maybe a Top 10 finish this year after all?
VERDICT: Good (surprisingly)

Well, that is all for now. I may well add in some more gems as they come through. And for those of you in the know, keep May 16th free, I might well be doing something...!

This weekend, i will be mostly...

2009-03-07T11:56:00.001Z

My season one of 30 Rock arrived this morning so my bad mood from a shitty week now seems long gone!

Resisting the Twitterers

2009-03-04T22:13:00.004Z

As much as I love Philip Schofield, I'm not sure I want my life reduced to one sentence soundbites, like one big continual Facebook update.

I like to think I'm more interesting than that... or is it more that I just talk too much and wouldn't be able to say all I want to say in one little sentence... I won't let you answer that one.

But given that I've had my Sony Ericcson phone for nearly 9 months, I think it's time to make beter use of it and its multiciplous features, so I've now linked my "mobile blog" (no, me neither) to this one, which essentially means I'm now going to upload photos direct from my phone.

They say a picture says a thousand words, so this is my way of showing you what I'm doing, rather than trying to say it.

Ta.

A day in the life of an (unwilling) surgical house officer

2009-02-15T21:45:00.002Z

0555h
Alarm goes off. Snooze button depressed

0602h
Crawl out of bed and into shower. Realise have forgotten towel.

0610h
Realise need a shave. Cannot be bothered.

0615h
Select least creased-looking shirt.

0620h
"Breakfast" - at this hour, a glass of water, some tablets and half a piece of toast.

0640h
This being winter, gloves, hat and scarf on ready for the car.

0645h
iPod in, Morning playlist on.

0700h
Hello M61. Mentally remind self for the zillionth time not to follow sign saying "Bolton" in order to get to Bolton Hospital.

0710h
Park up.

0720h
Say "morning" to the night nurses (deliberately leaving out the 'good'")

0730h
Print off lists and test results and find out what bits are missing. Have a minor panic, but remember that I don't care so wander over to F6 to begin the Power-Clerking.

0755h
Still waiting for patients to arrive, but need to go as post-take. Weigh up which consultant getting angry first before remembering I supposedly here for patients, so pace off to F3.

0800h
Night house officer looks fed up. See the on-take list and realise why. Grab some radiology cards, spare history sheets and try to remember where I left all that boyish enthusiasm.

0820h
Breathe out. Have seen 15 patients in almost as many minutes and now struggle to avoid all distractions in order to note down all the jobs.

0830h
Arrive at radiology in order to attempt to get 10 ultrasounds done in 2 slots. Get bleeped 3 times by various wards asking why the jobs I just found out about haven't been done yet.

0900h
Ward round of current patients. Realise no-one has blood forms done and so attempt to dissuade registrar from ordering any more tests to avoid more work.

0930h
"Doctor, can you come and put a cannula in this patient?" Arrive to find patient is not mine.

1000-1230h
Work from bleep to bleep, incredibly inefficiently, but unavoidable unless I throw the bloody bleep out the window. Swear at nurses. Apologise to nurses. Re-explain things to patients. Take bloods.

1230h
Remind self this is lunchtime.

1400h
Realise canteen has now closed.

1401h
Get bleeped by registrar immediately after opening flapjack/Mars bar/crisps/generic fat-snack to do another ward round. Spend ward round apologising for not having done all jobs.

1445h
Arrive on F5 and cup of tea (strong, 1 sugar, drop of milk) and banter from ward clerk. Smile, laugh...then remember where I am and head off to make nonsensical referrals, check bloods and rewrite TTOs because the ones I wrote when I had time have got lost.

1530h
Get bleeped whilst sat by a phone. Immediately call back. Phone engaged. Call again. Rings, but no answer. Call other number for that ward. Get through to ward clerk. "No-one's bleeped you love!"

1535h
Get bleeped from same ward. Go through whole process again. This time get through to early shift nurse who wants me to write up fluid for a patient. Tell her I did it this morning. Nurse apologises.

1540h
Get bleeped from same ward by late shift nurse about the same fluid chart. Am less polite this time around.

1600h
Start checking bloods. realise loads haven't been done. Head off to redo them all.

1630h
Get bleeped by the SHo to ask if there's anything he can do now he's out of clinic. Say you're done and just updating the list.

1631h
Start updating the patient list. Get bleeped about an ill patient.

1700h
Get back from ill patient and redo list because forgot to save it before.

1715h
Get bleeped by the reg to handover patients.

1800h
Think about going home, but instead start printing off tomorrow's elective patient list and preparing the print-outs.

1830h
See every other house officer still at work and have group lament about how crap our jobs/lives/colleagues/sense of personal worth is/are.

1845h
Get in car and head home.

1930h
Sit and talk to housemate for one hour about how much we hate our jobs.

2100h
Refuse to give into tiredness and stay up watching some crap on telly.

2130h
Give in and get into bed.

2230h
Still awake thinking about tomorrow's jobs.

2300h
Watch some more crap TV.

0000h
Finally get off to sleep.

The Greatest Day

2008-10-19T23:36:00.002+01:00

It's been a month since I last blogged... I've been getting slack.

My life is probably a lot better now than it has been. I guess I've learnt a bit better how to deal with things and I'm starting to have a life again.

The day-to-day stuff is pretty much the same, though the day passes quicker cos I work with some fantasticaly funny nurses who really make my day... I'm sometimes in near hysteria as we laugh so much, and that's really nice.
I wonder if there will come a time when I truly feel confident that I can do my job well... I suspect that it never totally happens which is why all doctors do neurotic things like call their wards at 11pm because they forgot to check an Xray or something. I did have a run of 8 cannulas inserted first time which I was pretty proud of. I still hate damned procedures though!
I got to work with a different SHO this week and it's been really brilliant, she's amazing because she is so relaxed but gets everything done and ensures we both go home on time having left nothing important to do the next day. I actually quite enjoyed this week of work, and that's a first, so I'm rather pleased.

I recently did some weekend nights which I was totally terrifed of, but ended up really enjoying. I only really feel like a doctor on nights, I feel like I can actually do something useful, and despite the fact it's quite hard, I prefer the challenges because they're more manageable... and probably I like the fact that I don't have to be concerned with the long-term problems of everyone.
I did some crazy stuff that I didn't really think people actually did, like maintain someone's airway for nearly 2 hours whilst we tried to find an intensive care bed. I also did my first chest compressions on a real person, which is a weird experience... especially when you look at the face of the person whose heart you are working for, and realise that you clerked them in a fortnight previously with what you thought was an uncomplicated urinary tract infection and here they are, in a somewhat more serious condition.
But then again, I clerked a woman with a rash that decided 3am on a Saturday was the optimum time to present to A&E cos it was "quite itchy".
And of course, the real bonus of working nights is getting to wear scrubs... and I don't even feel embarrassed saying that I look totally hot in my blues... I got asked out twice on my nights!

In other news...

- I bought the boxset of Heroes to get in on the act and it is literally amazing... I'm waiting for Season 2 now so I can catch up and start watching on BBC. I kept putting it off and ending up missing more and more so I'm chuffed to now understand why everyone was raving about it!

- Now that I'm living like a millionaire (well, it feels like that, finally having a wage), I surprised myself by making a clothes purchase without even looking at the price, cos I knew I would buy it anyway. For anyone that has seen me rummaging through the Primark bargain bin, this may come as shock news, but no fear, I don't think my frivolous spending habit is sustainable, so normal serice will be resumed soon I'm sure.

- I'm off to Spain on Wednesday for 6 days and I can't wait, I'm going to see my best friend Steve in Seville which will be ace. And then Ruth and I are going to large it up in Torremolinos, so it's gonna be an ace week off!

2008-09-17T18:46:00.002+01:00

Well I'm still here. Which is no mean feat... the lack of blogs, and general tardiness in replying to everyone who's messaged, called or texted over the past month or so is a testament to what my life has become.

Can I say sorry for that now? I do keep trying to sit with Facebook and go through all my messages and reply to them. And I will call everyone back! (Especially you Gran... I haven't forgotten!)

So I'm 6 weeks in to my job. I don't cry every day now, which is nice. Indeed, I haven't in over a week, so things are obviously better. Well, maybe that's not true exactly, I think I'm just hardening up. I'm getting more bolshy though... my tolerance for rudeness, which already wasn't that great, has plummeted! I really can't stand people pissing about and treating others with no respect... I guess I'm fed up seeing people I care about upset because others around them are just being tossers.

I'm torn a bit really because there are definitely times in my job now where I find myself genuinely enjoying myself. Granted, these moments certainly consist of a very minor portion of my day, but they are there. I'm getting the cahnce to do the parts of medicine I like, which is namely talk to people.
As one of my favourite characters in "The Smoking Room", Annie, says, "I'm all about people".

And this reminds me of a passage in The Oxford Handbook of Medicine which talks very admirably of GPs, saying that they are specialists of their patients (rather than of a disease or particular organ system). And so this makes me think that perhaps I'd like to be, and would probably be a good, GP.

It's just the thought of more medicine in a hospital that puts me off!

Anyway, I'm getting a bit moany, so what good things are there? I've been working lately with Aga, who's brilliant and I really like her. And I've been eating lunch quite a lot at work now which is a definite improvement.

It's probably now time for me to start redeveloping a social life before I slip into hermit ways! If you want to help me with that, please get in touch!

And so it begins

2008-08-16T15:35:00.003+01:00

Well, it's been 10 days since I started my new job as a junior doctor.

I now work in Care of The Elderly ward, and I imagine that my job is going to motivate me to write a lot about the NHS and what it's like to work as an "F1" doctor.

I've previously mentioned where I work, and so that might complicate matters... I've gotten in trouble with a big (ish) organisation before about my blog.

I guess the long and short of how I feel right now is that I don't think any medical school could adequately prepare you for starting work. I'm not saying anything new... people have said this for years!

I expected the feelings of inadequacy, borne of a lack of experience and familiarity, as well as the sometimes overwhelming sense of responsibility that is suddenly thrust upon you.
And I didn't think it would be easy to start with, and in that respect I've not been surprised.

I do, however, want to go on record as saying that it's really upset me how many of the promises I made to myself have already been broken. Before I started, I had a mental list of things I would never do, and ways that I wanted to act.
I guess I'm realising that the trade-off for having a world-class health service that offers near-equality of care for everyone, is that it's pretty difficult to achieve the optimum standards that you might desire for yourself or your family. I think I now understand why those with money choose private healthcare... its not the "health" part that's significantly different, its the "care" part.

Patients in the NHS almost without fail recieve adequate care. And yet, despite knowing that, it can be really hard to not spend 5 minutes with all your patients, just listening to them, because you just have other "more important" tasks to complete. And it's hard because you know that those 5 minutes could really brighten someone's day... and we're taught at medical/nursing school that happy patients heal quicker... which is why the emphasis on communication skills is there within training, because it's previously been an element lacking in UK healthcare.

I'm sure I've made a difference in a few people's days... but there are plenty of patients whom I've seen who I didn't "do my best" with... I had to settle for adequacy.

And so came my epiphany... as a nation, as a workforce, and as patients, we complain about the NHS because we don't really accept adequacy as acceptable. We want more. And why shouldn't we?

I suppose in the next two years I'll get plenty more opportunities to test out my theory!

"Is there a (14 day old) doctor on the plane...?"

2008-07-25T18:49:00.012+01:00

It was about halfway through my final year of medical school, in about February 2008, when I first started getting the fear that my medical training would be be necessary in some strange situation... like an old lady falling off the bus or talking a would-be suicide victim off the Itchen Bridge.

I guess this was partly based in my experience of using my First Aid training the day after I flunked my St John's Ambulance assessment back at school. A man had an epileptic fit on the bus and so I had to "help" out. Well I did what I could and he didn't die so that equals sucess right?!

In actual fact, the fear that I would soon be a doctor meant I that had started to carry my mini-Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine around with me wherever I went... in my carry-on bag on planes, if I went home on the train for the weekend, that sort of thing.

And indeed, when Lucy and I flew to Tokyo about two weeks ago, and she spied this little book of knowledge in my bag and wondered why I'd brought it. "Because..." I replied, "... I know one day I'll need it."

Little did I suspect that day would come just 10 days later, on our return flight from Tokyo into Heathrow.

The long journey home...
Lucy and I had made our way to Narita Airport from a great hostel having experienced a 30-second earthquake the night before. We were kinda sad to be leaving Japan, as we'd had a great time. We did all the usual stuff at the airport and boarded the plane in good time. Before take-off, we got moved to emergency exit seats (which some long-legged saps had paid £75 for the privilege of!) as the economy section was more than half-empty. How lucky we felt, and almost excited at the prospect of being allowed to yell "Unfasten your seat belts and get out!" (seriously) should evacuation be necessary.
We took off and enjoyed our meals and movies from seats sprawled across the cabin, amused that we had far more space than those in Premium Economy in front of us.
Midway through my film, Juno, however, the audio stopped to signal a cabin-wide announcement:

"If there is anyone with medical training aboard, please could they make themselves known to the cabin crew, who will be making their way through the cabin"

My heart, at this point, was in my mouth, and my chin was at the floor, as Lucy turned around in her seat, and simply took my outstretched hand in comfort.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, mindful that about 4 hours previously I had said one reason not to have "Dr" on my credit cards was so that I could hide in such a situation.

The answer, however, came quickly, as two of the Japanese crew in their red jackets swished through the curtain.

"Hi." I gulped.

"Are you a doctor?" asked the stewardess, perhaps wondering if someone quite so scruffy could actually be a respectable physician.

"Um... well, technically yes I am... I graduated 2 weeks ago and have yet to start my first job. So, I can help as much as I can... but it might be good to see if there is anyone more senior about?" I said, probably far less eloquently than Ive written.

And off the stewardesses went, leaving me thinking that surely there's someone better than me aboard.

But apparently not, as they soon swooshed back, and there I was, ushered up to the Upper Class section of the plane, my head racing with gory thoughts of of throwing minature bottles of vodka across someone's chest before I pierce it with a coat hanger. Or having to deliver twins. And other such outlandish scenarios that would befit a disaster film.

And then, there was my patient. He wasn't a woman lying screaming with babies all ready to come out. Or an old guy clutching his chest. He was a young Japanese boy, sat in his mummy's arms. And I have to admit, I mentally (if not, indeed audibly) let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't SERIOUS serious. Phew.

Now I don't want to say too much online about the individual details of the case; confidentiality and all that. But essentially, I did what any medical student has done a lot of in their GP placements. There was enough, however, to get worried about, there were some high temperatures, lack of equipment, difficult history and of course the fact that everything had to be translated via a crew member. It's hard to appear empathetic when all you can say is, "two beers thanks ['ni biru, arigato', by the way]" in someone else's language.

And so, after I'd examined my patient and decided that whilst he was ill, there was nothing serious enough to divert the plane, I reassured the family and took a seat to write some notes, whilst chatting with the cabin crew, who all seemed to think I was some kind of hero just for smiling and prodding someone with a stethoscope.

I got invited to the bar, though realising I now had to keep a clear head for the flight should anything change, I didn't take up the opporunity, and actually just wanted to head back and finish my film whilst having a sleep. So I did just that, feeling pretty good about myself and what a good story this would make. And for the next few hours, I got waited on by the staff, who kept offering me things and making me feel pretty special. Hell, the manager came and gave me some bottles of wine to say thanks!

But that wasn't the end.

Later on, as meal #2 arrived, and seconds after I'd unwrapped my vegetarian quiche, a stewardess appeared. With a face that said, "I'm really sorry... but"... and sure enough those words came out of her lips too. And so off I trotted back up the plane, where there was now a new problem with my new Japanese friend... some tummy trouble.
I had a look and concluded it was probably constipation, and said to simply let me know if the pain got worse.

As I headed back to my seat, the senior crew member followed, carrying my dinner which they had kept heated for me. But one senior crew was apparently not enough... her Japanese counterpart also followed, carrying a plate with an Upper Class meal of steak and potatoes... I was being well and truly pampered. I sat and tucked in whilst my fellow economy passengers pretended to enjoy their quiches. But barely was I halfway through when I got called back up to the front of the plane.

The abdominal pain had got much worse. Now, the thing here is that, were I an F1 (junior doctor) in A&E with a kid presenting with increasing abdominal pain on a background of high temperature... well I'd want to at least consider the possibility of appendicitis.
And the trouble was, despite my suspicions that it was NOT appendicitis, that I couldn't seem to definitively rule it out - indeed, symptom wise, it was getting hard to ignore.
A quick glance at the Handbook did nothing to help me relax. And we had just under 3 hours left to fly. Everything was complicated by the fact that the family were due to fly onwards from London to another country. And I was the one having to weigh up being over-cautious with being safe. When I'd never actually worked as a doctor, let a lone a paediatrician, before in my life.

I took the Japanese senior crew member aside and just told the truth:

"Okay, if we were in a UK hospital, I would have referred this to someone senior by now... it's beyond my experience... I've done 8 weeks of paediatrics as a student and my career goal is in psychiatry. I've not even started work yet... and even when I do, I'm supposedly under supervision! I can't rule out the possibility that we might need an ambulance waiting for this little boy when we land. We probably don't... but right now we need to be ready because I can't, in all good faith, just say everything is fine."
"Essentially, I need this boy to go to the toilet, then feel better, for me to feel better. I'm going to keep checking him every 10 mins or so, and we'll be better able to decide in about half an hour. What kind of help do we have access to? Can you find out?"

Cue, some brief stuttering from my new air steward friend, but he quickly regained his professionalism and we sprung into action.

So did we have to land the plane in Kazakhstan?

Well... no. Indeed, never have I been happier to see a little boy emerge from a toilet having been sick, and "feeling better". Thank heaven.

I wrote up my plan and explained it with the family. The Japanese crew had rememebred there was a Japanese medical centre in London, actually fairly near Heathrow, and so we organised for the family to be fast-tracked through immigration to a taxi so hey could go straight there once we arrived in Heathrow. And I think we skipped ahead in the landing queue too (we landed 40 mins early).

We prepared the boy for landing... with sweets and also the help of my 24 year old teddy "Panda" (who goes everywhere with me), and I sat and chatted with the crew, whom I'd gotten to know pretty well during the flight.

Landing was uneventful, luckily, as I'd insisted to Lucy that should we crash, I would not be fufilling my duties as an emergency exit operator as I had worked enough for one flight!

Indeed, we reflected on the fact that I'd just done my first ever official duties as a real doctor, a mere 14 days after my GMC registration had come through (hell... it's so recent I've yet to be put on the updated list of registered medical practitioners yet!). And where I'd been worrying about starting on my ward in Bolton, I'd actually just done something far scarier. So Bring it on Bolton (actually, please don't)!

As I got off the plane, saying goodbye to the family, wiking at the crew, I went for it, boldly commenting that "I never actually got to sit at the Upper Class bar, this time, did I... and my name better be on a database somewhere now for when I next fly..."

Cue laughter, and lots of smiles... but I'm not lying when I say that if I don't get a letter from Richard Branson, I'll be mightily disappointed...

Signed,

Dr. Sebastian L Pillon
GMC Number: 7017305

Japan

2008-07-13T15:16:00.004+01:00

For those of you who don't know...

I'm off to Japan tomorrow with Lucy for 10 days. We plan to go to Tokyo and Kyoto, and maybe elsewhere but we haven't decided yet.
I've always been attracted to the weird tradition/technology mix that I think Japan is... I find the psyche of it fascinating. And this is the kind of trip I won't be able to really do for a few years, so its kind of my last big adventure for a while.

We booked it a while ago as an adventure and whilst I'm excited about it, I don't mind admitting that I'm also pretty nervous.

I've never left Europe before... and in Europe I've always known that I could come home if I had had enough... but that's not an option when I'm 12 hours and a lot of money away!

I can't even put my finger on why I'm so scared... the sensible part of me knows that I'll be pleased to have gone and when I come back I will have stories to tell. I guess I'm a natural born worrier, and I don't really feel in control of this trip.
There's so many variables and I think I won't feel comfortable until I've made some decisions about where we're staying and things are booked... even though I know I can rough it and I do fine (Ask Olly about the hostel in Montenegro... it doesn't get a lot worse than that!)

Anyway, I guess I'm writing this blog as a plea really. I tend to get pretty homesick. And so now my dad has lent me his Japan-ready 3G phone, I feel a bit more connected to the UK! (I've put some numbers on it but can't easily move my whole phone book).
I'd really love to get txt messages, emails and facebook posts from my friends throughout the trip... just a few lines will really help pick me up if I feel a bit worried or homesick. I'd really appreciate it so much.
if you do txt... please sign off with your name in case I havent moved your number to the temporary phone.

And thank you to all those who have dealt with my worrying over this past week... namely:
- Celia and Grace for their Facebook msgs
- Olly and Carphone Warehouse for letting me take his breaks to reassure me
- Elly for the great advice on what to see
- Uncle Henry for being unwittingly very reassuring
- Lucy herself for being really understanding
and most of all...
- to Mum and Dad, who are always there with the right words and actions to help me, whenever and whatever I need. Thank you.
X

Right... to learn some useful phrases!

Sayonara!

Seb

Holiday in a Nutshell

2008-07-07T19:22:00.004+01:00

- Lying on a pebbly beach and not having to deal with sand
- Greeting my brother at Dubrovnik bus station
- Looking out over Kotor Bay at sunset
- Drinking beer for €1.50
- Climbing up mountains
- Getting on buses when I'm not 100% certain that it goes where I want
- Bartering in Serbian
- Admiring tapestries of Tito
- Getting met at bus stations by hot Bosnians
- Drinking beer for 3KM (=€1.50 =£1)
- Eating čevapćići for every meal
- Watching TV at night on a balcony, talking about history
- Hanging out with cool people I've just met
- Getting the email addresses of cool people I've just met so I can then go visit them in Finland/Canada/Ireland
- Hysteria on night trains
- Going back to a cool hostel
- Eating a massive salad for 30kuna (£3)
- Drinking beer for 18kuna (£2)
- Doing a Welsh accent and making the whole dorm think I am crazy
- Arriving in Slovenia
- Seeing Tina at Vila Veselova (www.v-v.si)
- Wow-ing at the Škocjan Caves
- Swimming in Lake Bled
- Eating Burritos with cool New Yorkers we randomly bumped into in two different places
- Drinking coffee in a cafe at 11am
- Hanging out with my little brother and having those chats that make you feel really good.
- Strategically writing postcards so that no-one realises that I keep using the same phrases

6 days to go

2008-05-05T22:23:00.003+01:00

Wow.

In 6 days, I'll begin my finals. I've been at Uni for almost 6 years now... and if all goes well I'll soon be Dr. Pillon. Isn't that weird? I'm not sure I like how it sounds to be honest: "Doctor Pillon".

And so, as is my way, I'm rather pensive. I have been for a few weeks now. My life is all abut to change... I'm getting a job! I've essentially been in school for the last 20 years of my life, and so the thought of that is a little scary. Not least cos my job is going to involve being responsible for people's lives... well at least some of the time.

Perhaps more is that fact that I'm going to be saying goodbye to a fair few friends as they move off to other cities to start their jobs. I'm pretty sure we'll still keep in touch, and hopefully meet up every now and then, but it's going to be sad all the same. There are people like Rachel, Andy, Katharine & Nick who I've gotten to know only this year, and they're ace! So I'm going to be going on holidays to Liverpool, Edinburgh, Leeds & Devon I think.

Then there's the student stuff... I'm really going to miss that 10% off thing. And being able to get up at 9am, watch America's Next Top Model and doss about.

Ah well, it's also a little bit exciting, I'm gonna be a doctor!

But I will still be silly, jump about, laugh all the time... just maybe I'll have to do it more in private now!

I'm Not Stupid!

2008-05-05T13:48:00.002+01:00

I've just watched Shipwrecked on 4oD. And it's done my head in.

Why do they feel the need to KEEP ON re-capping what has literally just happened. I mean, if I wasn't actually watching the programme, then maybe I'd need to be constantly reminded that "the Tigers have made a secret deal with Mike... and Matt is unaware that if he chooses Tigers, he will be sent home". Though maybe it says a lot about a programme that they think it must be so boring and unwatchable that you won't be paying attention.
I actually started counting how many times the narrator rehashed this really-quite-simple-to-understand premise. He said it 7 times. In 48 minutes.

I actually burst out laughing when in the "tense moment" after the two new arrivals had chosen Tiger Island, the narrator says "and so now, the Tigers must choose who to accept".

So I'd like to make a plea... if you are so stupid that you are unable to follow a programme as intellectually challenging as Shipwrecked, please go ahead and maroon yourself somewhere.

(Phew, rant over)

Happy Birthday Olly!

2008-04-06T20:05:00.004+01:00

Today is my little brother's birthday, so I thought I'd make a show of the fact he's getting old, ha ha!

Olly is an ace brother, he's one of the best friends I have actually. It wasn't always the way... we used to fight on and off a lot, but I think we've both come to enjoy our differences. He's really been there for me when I've needed someone, and we've also had great fun together, doing stuff like canoeing in Slovenia or larging it up in Pop.
I like how Olly is laid back... I've really learnt from that cos I can be a bit uptight sometimes. He's really loyal and probably the most generous person I know.

He makes films, and if you haven't seen already, why not take a look at what he does, it's pretty amazing actually...

Zero Budget Productions

So, anyway, Happy Birthday Olly!

It's the most wonderful time of the year (part II)

2008-03-24T10:51:00.002Z

So here are my favourite songs appearing in the second Semi...

Semi-Final 2 - Thursday 22nd May

01 - Iceland: Eurobandið "This Is My Life"

Once you've listened to this you'll probably understand why I keep playing it on YouTube. The singers are really good and I love this Europop shit. Iceland never do very well at Eurovision so I'd like this one to at least break the Final.

02 - Sweden: Charlotte Perrelli "Hero"

After a year out, we're back to the great Swedish pop choon, with wind machines aplenty. Take a look at Charlotte's face - it's hard to believe she's a real person - it's like someone shrink-wrapped her head in plastic.

04 - Ukraine: Ani Lorak "Shady Lady"

This starts off a bit weird but it's a grower. Ukraine produce a great song year upon year. Oh, and she's got a great pair of lungs on her too...

08 - Czech Republic: Tereza Kerndlová "Have Some Fun"

This song appears to be about a casual shag and includes the great lyrics "If you wanna have some fun then don't run" and "I just wanna be your friend for fun fun fun".

09 - Belarus: Ruslan Alekhno "Hasta La Vista"

I kept waiting for this song to be crap but it's actually pretty good. There's something odd about this guy to look at though...

12 - Bulgaria: Deep Zone & Balthazar "DJ, Take Me Away"

This is quite surprising really, it doesn't sound like a Eurovision song at all, it's like a song you'd hear in a club, not be sure of at first, but then keep singing for days after.

14 - Georgia: Diana Ghurtskaia "Peace Will Come"

With a title like that, she's sure appealing to all those warring nations. But it's actually not as sickly as you initially imagine it's going to be.
My favourite bit is when you think she's started sining in Georgian, but its still in (unitelligble) English.

16 - Malta: Morena "Vodka"

This song is totally bonkers, you wonder what it must have beaten to become Malta's entry. Having said that, it's kinda engaging, and has the brilliant lyric "Vodka is the secret word", so the NHS probably won't be hiring her for their cut binge-drinking campaign any time soon.

And so there we go. And what, might you be thinking, are the UK sending to Eurovision? We're sending a binman who lost, i.e. DID NOT HAVE, The X-Factor.
Here is his video.

You might think I've put the wrong link, as Andy Abraham appears to have no rhythm and indeed looks rather bored throughout. Why isn't he looking at the camera? Why isn't he tapping his feet in time?
But it's too late now, this is what the British public are sending to beat all these great entries. Good luck Andy.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2008-03-24T09:43:00.007Z

No, not Christmas... it's coming round to that time of year where odd English translations are celebrated, national costumes ridiculed and maps of Europe consulted as people ask "Where the hell are San Marino, Azerbaijan and Belarus?"

Yes, you've guessed it, the 53rd Eurovision Song Contest is less than 2 months away, and now that all the 43 participating countries have selected their entries, I've been scouring YouTube to see what there is to look forward to... and also where I can have my toilet breaks.

The Contest has changed a little this year - there are now two Semi-Finals on the 2oth and 22nd of May, followed by the Final on Saturday 24th May. And it's all coming from Beograd/Belgrade in Serbia - yes that country on the news all the time at the moment due to Kosovo's little declaration of independance... should make for a calm show huh?

There has been an underlying fear in my mind this year as the Contest has traditionally been held the week before Medical School Finals. Luckily though, the Contest is after my dreaded exams, meaning it's pretty likely our living room will be filled to bursting again this year.

10 countries from each Semi will go through to the final, and so I'm going to show you some of my favourites from each... let's see if my preferences match with those of the totally non-politically biased views of Europe.

Semi-Final 1 - Tuesday 20th May

02 - Israel: Bo'az Ma'uda "The Fire In Your Eyes"

Okay, so perhaps I like this cos Bo'az himself is a pretty picture... I definitely don't think Hebrew lends itself to singing very much.

07 - Azerbaijan: Elnur & Samir "Day After Day"

I always like the new countries' entries, they really go for it. And so here is the Azeri song, which could not be more camp if it tried really - a devil and a bleach-blond angel singing something or other to rock music, it's just brilliant.

08 - Slovenia: Rebeka Dremelj "Vrag naj vazme" (To Hell With It)

As Slovenia is my favourite country in the world, I have to like this song even if it is a bit duff. Well, it's not all bad, but it's safe to say Eurovision 2009 won't be in Ljubljana.

10 - Poland: Isis Gee "For Life"

Well after a quick break during Norway's typically nice entry (read: dull), here is what I think could be a winner actually. This song reminds me of Shiri Maymon (Israel) a few years ago, it's a really beautiful ballad sung by a blond with a good pair of lungs on her (read: a cracking rack). This is quite possibly my favourite song this year.

11 - Ireland: Dustin the Turkey "Irelande Douze Pointes"

This joke entry featuring a turkey puppet (where else but Eurovision?!) is actually alright - I like the name check of all the countries at the end especially.

12 - Andorra: Gisela "Casanova"

Andorra have never made the final... this probbaly won't turn the tide but it is delightfully europop with a ridiculous beat... it sounds like a Cascada album track.

14 - Armenia: Sirusho "Qele Qele"

I think I have a weakness for these Transcaucasian countries.

18 - Russia: Dima Bilan "Believe"

This hottie came 2nd in the Contest in 2006, and whilst this song isn't as good, this guy is an artist in his own right - it's the equivalent of the UK sending someone like Justin Timberlake to Belgrade.

And shockingly, I don't actually like Greece's entry this year... but maybe I'm smarting cos they didn't choose the far hotter Kostas Martakis...

Well, that's the first Semi-Final... and as you can see I like a fair few in it! Which is a bit gutting as it's the Semi-Final the UK doesn't have a vote in (we only get to vote in the second semi on Thursday).
My run-down of the Second Semi-Final in the next blog...

2008-02-23T22:36:00.003Z

I often think that I'm not a lucky person, you know, because I never win a crappy prize at a raffle or I've only ever won a tenner on the lottery.

But I've done okay this week, I've got my first choice job at Bolton, to start in August! Dr Pillon (that's me) will be working in Breast Surgery, Complex Medicine, Psychiatry, Paediatrics, A&E and General Practice for two years in Britain's largest town. "Just" got to earn that MB ChB qualification now eh?

I've just finished my General Surgery placement at Trafford General. I've never wanted to be a surgeon but I actually had an ace time at Trafford. I've always liked placements there, it's a really nice little hospital and it's been really great being part of it for 2 months. Despite the 8am starts, I've had a lot of fun with the house officers and I've even done stuff like night shifts (which is perhaps evidence of "Finals Craziness" kicking in). I even gained a new nickname "Sam", which I might keep for future surgical jobs. And I've made some new friends: Nadia, Su, Lucy, Sally, Aki & Sarah/Jack. And of course, Dr Sarah G (aka The Boss) herself - I will miss being part of our dynamic duo!
On my last day yesterday, I went back to Day Surgery, where I did my first ever placement. It was vasectomy afternoon, and in front of all the nervous looking men, I picked up Sheila, a health care assistant who first looked after me on my wide-eyed first day. It was quite moving actually - they've seen me grow up over the past three years and I hope I will still get chances to pop back and say hi.
I left my 4 month stint in Blackburn feeling pretty confident about the whole junior doctor role, and at Trafford I've had the chance to take that further and I'm pretty proud of where I am now. It's odd to think that I was seriously considering leaving medicine 6 months ago; this year has kind of brought things together for me.

My next and last block will be in Liasion Psychiatry in North Manchester/Oldham. It's my elective block, so I have to explain it with faux embarrassment as I "should" really be on a beach somewhere pretending to learn. But actually, I'm really excited about getting the chance to try out the career I want to do for two months, it's pretty unique!

Anyway, what have I been up to this week?

I've been mostly listening to:

"La Revolucion Sexual" - La Casa Azul
"A&E" - Goldfrapp

I've been mostly watching:

"Rome" on DVD
The excellent new Torchwood

I've been mostly reading about:

Kosovo's "independence" declaration
The "fat, waddling staff" at Trafford General in the comments section of a story about the Trust's cash crisis
Acid-Base balance, Kidneys and other such things I thought I could get away without learning...

I've been mostly spending money on:

Some lovely shoes from Dolcis at The Trafford Centre thanks to their closing down!
things at the DVLA webiste: road tax, change of address, new driving license, the list is surprisingly long

Anyway, I'm done now. Goodnight

2008-02-10T22:06:00.000Z

Okay. So my temperament is such that I get pretty emotional about things. Nothing new.

I wasn't really prepared for what happened... even with the minor warning the BBC puts out. I've just watched this week's Casualty. Now, I don't want anyone thinking I'm some nut who loves this show in a disturbing way, and I know I've recently blogged about it.

But that's because it's some incredible television... actually, it's better than that description suggests... it's fantastic and believable drama worthy of more praise than it will ever probably get.

This week was the story of Ruth Winters, an F2 doctor who hanged herself, told from her diary leading up to her hanging. Raw is good word to describe the episode.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/casualty/storyupdates/index.shtml?20080209

I'm not really embarrassed to admit that I was proper crying by the end of the programme. I was actually cut up. Ruth was an excellent doctor, perhaps a bit cold, who pushed herself too hard. She's had a shit life. But she's a good person (slash fictional character, whatever!).
And Georgia Taylor, the actress, did a great job at playing her.

But good drama makes you emotional not just because it's good, it's because it hits you personally, and makes you think about yourself.
And you know what, I'm really scared. I've been matched to a Foundation Programme in Bolton from August. I'll be the kind of doctor Georgia Taylor is pretending to be. But I'm going to be doing it for real.
And I'm not supposed to let on that I'm scared. The medical culture is such that I must appear brave and confident at all times. It's not the done thing to let your mask slip, to admit you're wrong. Indeed, there are certainly people who, if reading this, would be absolutely thrilled because my seeming incompetence helps them propel up the ladder. I guess medicine isn't unique in this way, most jobs require competitive staff in order that the best progress and make the company or business strong.

And my problem is that this way of life just isn't very me. I spent the first part of my twenties pretending things were okay and smiling when I wasn't happy because I didn't want to admit I could have got it wrong. I let myself be walked all over by someone who didn't really care for me at all, but happily let me care for them. And it's a lonely feeling when you can't be yourself. And I don't I want to repeat that experience for the rest of my working life, pretending that all is okay.
I'm not Ruth...and I'm not planning on hanging myself. But I'm going to face the same pressures as she did, and I'm not really sure how I'm going to deal with them.

...

Well... if you've read through you might feel like I did after watching Virgin Media ask me if I wanted to end the Catch Up TV Showing. So let's break the mood with a Paris Hilton video. :-p

Cute dog.

Work To Rule

2008-01-07T21:14:00.000Z

I've just watched this Saturday's (5-Jan-2008) episode of Casualty via my handy Virgin Media On Demand. It was brilliant. So brilliant in fact, that I'm compelled to write about it now.

Just to recap a little...

A few weeks ago Charlie, a charge nurse in the Emergency Department of over 30 years, and Tess, another charge nurse were forced to choose between themselves who should be made redundant... Charlie ended up leaving post, much to the dismay of the staff.

Abs, another nurse, whilst fond of both his seniors, was seriously pissed that Charlie had left, and asked his union to support a strike. they did not, so he asked all the ED staff to follow policy to the letter and "Work To Rule" - this meant following their contracts to the letter (i.e. no unpaid overtime, no duties they weren't insured for and taking breaks as recommended)

As a result, the ED was seriously overstretched, and one doctor chose to blame Abs, saying he endangered patients.

And this was the brilliant bit.

Abs then made an impassioned speech about how he was constantly expected to work outside his contract. By taking breaks he was legally compelled to take, by not attending road accidents he wasn't insured to attend and by working to the rules supposedly in a nurse's contract, he said that he was indeed endangering lives. And that perhaps he should resign.
"But I won't." he said, "Because I want to be a good nurse."

"Why is it that we're supposed to have the best health service in the world, but it's run like a dodgy backstreet garage?"

Now... of course Casualty is a BBC drama, not a real-life documentary. But Abs' speech struck a chord with me.

I honestly don't have one F1/F2 doctor friend that doesn't have to work outside their contracted hours on a daily basis. Is it that they're lazy or incompetent? It's unlikely. There's just too much work to be done that simply doesn't fit into the contract.

A more senior doctor friend I have works on shift-rota that requires 14 doctors to work but only employs 11, and thus requires overtime from all staff, every day, every week. No effort has been made to fill these 3 vacant full-time posts, by the way.

And let's not start on nurses. I've worked as a health care assistant, so have a fair idea of how long things take. And it's rare that I go on a ward and see enough nurses to be able to cover patient's basis needs.

So what is this a rant about? I think the NHS is pretty good but of course not without its problems. I don't think I have enough experience to know how to deal with them, so I'm not going to try here.

But I do know that doctors or nurses are often cited as being incompetent or lazy. And the NHS is often criticised and rarely praised. It's used as a battleground for politicians.

My beef is with the attitude that NHS workers have developed a culture around themselves that requires them to work unpaid hours just to maintain patient safety. The culture that makes you feel guilty for being ill because you know your colleagues will be unable to cover for your absence. The culture that encourages you to think that by not pushing yourself up to your limits on nearly every day, you are responsible for endangering patient safety.

So what, you might say? What's an extra 30 minutes a day, with no breaks and a 20 minute lunch? Well, it's nearly 6 hours unpaid a week... that's a lot to ask of all your staff that other businesses wouldn't get away with.

To be a healthworker requires a lot of dedication. You agree to give yourself to the job in a way that few other professions do (perhaps the Army is a good comparison) - but you shouldn't have to agree to give your life away to save money that could employ someone to ease that burden.

And I really thank the BBC for making a drama that shows just how true this is.

You can watch the episode on BBC iPlayer for the next week, and a catch up clip on the show website.

Two Thousand and Eight

2008-01-01T19:45:00.000Z

Happy New Year!

I was going to start this blog by seeing how well I'd done on achieving my 2007 Resolutions... but apparently I did not make any... or if I did... I forgot them. Oops.

So what's up for 2008? I got asked what my resolutions were going to be last night, and I said I wasn't going to bother because I always break them. But that's rather defeatist isn't it, so let's make that number one... stay positive! A lot of people only really see the smiley Seb but I can be a bit of a grump sometimes, so I'm going to pledge to be all Pollyanna and look on the bright side.

Something I also always say is "get fit". And I'm not fat or anything, but I could definitely do more than I do now. So let's set an acheivable goal and work from there... I'm going to go for a run every week.

I'm also going to make better use of my Orange phone contract. I get about a zillion free minutes I never use, I didn't even set up a Magic Number til a fortnight ago and
I do not religiously go to the cinema every Wednesday. So expect calls asking to go to the AMC!

Also, I'm going to pledge to give money to the LGF (Lesbian and Gay Foundation) in Manchester once/if I get a job in August. This is partly to satisfy my friend Rachel who works very hard there and is always trying to get me to sign up, but also because it's a great charity that does a lot and doesn't have a lot of ways that it can earn money.

And, let's have 5 resolutions. This last one is rather up to fate who I hope is listening/reading (whatever). Can we sort me out with a man this year please? A really nice one, with a lovely smile (own teeth essential), who not only likes me, but I like him as well. Who will put up with a slight Eurovision obsession*, a near-constant laugh and a rather talkative nature.

Come on then 2008, it's gonna be gr-eat (that rhymes btw)

*Can I just take this moment to point out the trauma that is the fact that the Eurovision Song Contest 2008 takes place in the week leading up to my finals - how unfair is that?!

My Happy(ish) Endings

2007-12-18T19:15:00.000Z

Well it's been a week of endings... let's take a look.

After 16 weeks of living in Blackburn, my time is up. Bizarrely, I've had a great time. I really didn't expect to... but it's been a blast, and I've made some great new friends and dare I say it... I actually can see myself as a doctor now. Which is saying something, as I was pretty sure I was going to quit when I started this final year. So a big thanks to the doctors who I've worked with over the past few months - especially Munro Donald, Damien Lynch, Jenny MacDowall, Annalise Brown, Kate Hooks, Ash Dharmalingum, John Brockbank & Adam Matson.
My time in Blackburn has really made me think about where I want to do my Foundation Years, and also what I want to do after that. I've actually ended up realising I quite like medicine... so I'm now really looking forward to my elective because it should help firm things up!

As for my first job, I'll be ranking my choices in a few weeks, and assuming I'm in the NorthWest, my favourite jobs are in East Lancs, Blackpool, Bolton, Barrow and Rochdale, but there's still a lot to think about. I really want to have a psychiatry block, minimal surgery blocks, and ideally some paediatrics. I really really don't want Trauma and Orthopaedics. Let's see what my score is in January!

And so I've said goodbye to Blackburn but I've hinted at other losses thhis weekend... well it has not been a great time where TV talent shows go. Same Difference came third in The X-Factor Final, whilst Gethin Jones was knocked out of Strictly Come Dancing on Sunday. Oh well... I'm not bothered. HRNK! What a lie, I was pretty gutted. My friend's sister who I've never met was worried about me... so I think my recurring reality TV obsession might have reared its head.

Anyway, here are some videos of them to remind me of the good times! Annoyingly, "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" keeps getting deleted from You Tube's Same Difference repertoire - but for the moment, there are enough people uploading it that it crops up every now and again!

I wonder if SD will be cheap enough by September so I can book them for my birthday?! NAd then I could have a "My Super Sweet 16th... well 25th" type tantrum if I can't have them.

Breaking Free

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

And now for some of Geth's finest moments...

Waltz - "If I Were a Painting"

Salsa

And they're all on the BBC website which is alright... but more of Geth please. And because they haven't...here are some of mine...

PS - If you see this woman in the street, or perhaps warbling at the top of her lungs somewhere, feel free to maybe trip her up or throw something at her. If this makes no sense to you... read here...

IC Wales

Preparations

2007-12-02T20:52:00.000Z

Two weeks left at Blackburn and it's kinda sad. I've made a load of new friends and I can honestly say I've not really been this close to medics in my whole time at Uni. I'm really going to miss living in the House of Horrors and wandering about Blackburn. But I'm mainly going to miss stuff like going to Tesco with Rachel, comparing Yetunde to popstars, (not) playing Terry with Jordan and hearing Igor's phlegm wake me up.
But enough reminiscing - there's only 10 working days to get lots done!

Just worth noting that Gethin Jones got 39/40 for his waltz in Strictly Come Dancing yesterday - he was more gorgeous than I've ever seen. Having said that, I actually think Matt should win because his performances just seem better on the whole. I'm at the stage I get to in Reality shows where I realise how attached I've become and that I need to prepare myself to let the show go! Although I seriously do want to start ballroom dancing, I really do! Any takers?

My main dilemma this week is what to do about Christmas. The last 2 years I've bought "gifts" from oxfamunwrapped.com but I've read some opinion articles which have made me feel bad about this; i.e. that you shouldn't foist charity onto people. But I do still think that they are nice gifts and for the £5-£10 budget I have for each person, a lot more satisfying than some crap I've found on the high street. I need to decide what to do soon!

This week I have mostly been:

discovering:
Custard Apple Fruit/Sitaphal
Nintendo Wii
Rheumatology quirks
How not to flood the engine of your car by doing what an annoying neighbour says
How to play mobile phone companies off one another

listening to:
Girls Aloud - Tangled Up
Emma Bunton - A Girl Like Me
Darren Hayes - This Delicate Thing We've Made
Dubstar - Goodbye
Craig David - Slicker Than Your Average

watching:
Season 4 of Six Feet Under: I think this might be my favourite season, there are some great Ruth & Bettina stories.

YouTubing lots of:

Serebro - Dyshi
Serebro were Russia's Eurovision 2007 - but this video is just amazing and the song quite haunting. though I don't know what it's about so it might be about kittens or something.

Dannii Minogue vs Jason Nevins - Touch Me Like That
The wonder of Dannii's immobile forehead doesn't distract from the fact that this is pretty good.

D'Nash - Amanda
D'Nash were Spain's Eurovision 2007 entry (yep, another one), but they're kinda cute (ish)

Ordinary Boys - I Luv U

2007-11-06T22:26:00.000Z

Well it's been 6 months and 1 day since I last blogged.

There's a story there... someone didn't like what I wrote about them and kicked off. So I suppose it's true when they say that the truth hurts - and she really is a miserable cow!

Anyway, I kind of fell out of the habit, summer came and went and I started final year of Medicine which has kind of taken over really. And so here I am, blogging because that's easier than doing what I should really be doing.

Perhaps I should explain. I'm currently on my second placement of four in Royal Blackburn Hospital, based on a Gastroenterology ward. And right now, this minute, I'm in the 24-hour library, with 6 of my fellow final years, as we all desparately try to complete our application forms for Foundation Training - our doctor jobs for the next two years.
The form we have to fill in might perhaps scare patients if they saw how their doctors had got their jobs.

As an example:

Describe one example from your own clinical experience that has increased your understanding of the importance of team working. What was your role and contribution to the team? What have you learned and how will you apply this to your foundation training? (8 points/150 words)

The questions are all like this and what I find most difficult is the 150 word limit. If you read the question, there are actually five separate components to answer and so about 30 words, or 2-3 sentences each.

Those who know my love of talking will understand the trauma this form has caused me. Never before have I had to be so ruthless with superfluous adjectives. And I personally am frustrated that to really display your acheivemnts is really hard without freedom to describe them, and so I imagine that most of the 1000s of applicants will have very similar answers, devoid of personality, but full of buzz words like "motivate", "negotiate" and "euthanise".

Well, maybe not that last one.

Anyway, I'm otherwise having a right laugh in Blackburn (anyone googling that phrase might be surprised to find it has a hit), living in the staff residence with some great people. I'm actually really going to miss being here, with the people I've met when I have to leave at Christmas. We had a great German-themed Oktoberfest party (which pleasingly generated complaints from the lower floors of the block) a few weeks back, and future plans include a "Communist" party - dressed in grey, no music, copious vodka.

Back in Manchester, wehre I usually return at weekends, I'm now living with Ruth and Hannah, and we are all so busy we have yet to manage to all go out for dinner together, but we regularly congregate round the stairs to rapidly exchange details of our lives.

That's probably enough now, I'd be better gently weaning myself back into blogging, so I'll leave with some links to songs that I am YouTubing more than is healthy (and I've yet to even mention Gethin Jones on Strictly Come Dancing)

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

Same Difference - Reach (they are so happy its lovelyscary)

Jentina - Mysterious

Another fine mess

2007-05-05T15:58:00.000+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuZ9k7ADknY

Here's a few things I should be doing:

Writing an SSC report about old ladies falling over
Creating a proforma to help audit how clinicians assess autistic spectrum disorders
Starting the Student Pride list of things to do
Revising some things for Progress Test
Tidying my room
LGBT Handbook
Sitting out in the sun
Sorting out bills
Having some lunch

And so on.

How often do I write a blog about what I haven't done?! I wish I had the motivation to do things in the daytime - why does it take til about 9pm before I kick into gear?

Oh well, there's more dossing to be done before the day is out!

LGBT Spring Conference 2007

2007-05-03T00:11:00.000+01:00

NUS LGBT Spring Conference
Birmingham University Guild of Students
27-29 April 2007

And so begins what could well be my last NUS LGBT Conference report - I enjoy and gain so much from attending these conferences, and so it is with half a tear in my eye that I begin a recount of the weekend.

Friday
After a disappointingly short journey to Birmingham we rocked up at Birmingham University Guild of Students (BUGS) and registered ourselves before a quick roam about the quite lovely Birmingham campus, complete with massive clock tower.
After some Conference Training, we kicked off with a great talk by Finn Grieg of Sci:Dentity on trans issues within the LGBT movement. Finn was a great speaker and encouraged us all to speak with trans people as the best way of understanding more about this fairly misunderstood yet massively important issue.

A few dull reports later we moved to Regional Meetings, and it was nice they were early on in the weekend to aid with networking and making useful friends! The room wasn’t particularly conducive to discussion, and we ended up splitting into smaller “North West”, “Yorkshire” and “Geordies” groups to discuss and plan meetings we could do together. Alan Bailey and I reeled off some stuff about Student Pride and it was agreed that we would make this our Regional Event. We talked about campaigns together, including helping local FE institutions and the success of Liverpool institutions collaborating for their Donation not Discrimination campaign effort.
Overall the meeting okay but I think it could have been improved with a bit more structure and clear leadership. Whilst it was useful and necessary to split into smaller groups, it was a shame because we had almost all already met within those groups. However, it was good for me to be able to advertise for Student Pride to the group of people most likely to come (www.studentpride.co.uk)!

The afternoon/evening session consisted of Open Place LGBT Officer and Committee Reports. It was a bit weird that Scott wasn’t there to read his support but his excellently crafted speech was read by fellow Scot James Alexander. The room cheered loudly for Scott in recognition of his hard work and extra-ordinary efforts in the past year, as well as in support for him as he recuperates from an operation.

We discussed two motion “zones” that evening: Education and Welfare & Student Rights.

The first zone - Welfare & Student Rights - was reasonably sedate. Motions that were almost totally supported included ones about promoting sexual health and tackling hate crime.
We then came to an important motion which I strongly believe in, entitled Gender Neutral Toilets & Trans Rights. I’m thrilled to report that NUS LGBT is now mandated to help push for consideration of trans issues when it comes to provision of toilet facilities. This should hopefully help us bring this about in Manchester over the next few years.
Another area which took a long time to debate regarded the opposition of fascism & racism. This motion was submitted entirely by NEC/NUS LGBT Committee Members and as such, the debate was largely between a group of people who all know and no doubt regularly antagonise one another. Others did get involved, but their impromptu speeches looked amateur in contrast with the polished ones delivered by the newly dubbed “conference celebrities”.
The debate ultimately (and perhaps inevitability) became so heated that delegates were asked not to shout at Conference floor.
It was then, perhaps with some amusement, that we fairly easily raced through a motion to work to reduce the scale of “body fascism” rife within the LGBT community. I for one am a strong believer in the power of the media and it possibilities for both damage and benefit. A well chosen photo can so easily alter a person’s viewpoint that the change in self-image is almost subconscious.

With a few deep breaths we moved on to the second zone. This was my least favourite - Education. It’s my least favourite as I feel the debates tend to be more about wider student issues as opposed to LGBT-focussed discussions - and this shows in the number of NEC (National Executive Committee - the NUS ruling body) members who speak on these issues of which they are passionate about. It’s not that the issues aren’t important, but the debates can often feel like a rehearsal for larger NUS-based debates. In any case, we affirmed the campaigns’ dedication to the eradication of homophobic bullying, before moving on to a lengthy debate about the future of funding education.
My personal view was that the notion of “free [HE] education for all” is outdated. I don’t think it is possible to increase the numbers of HE students without introducing costs to those students. I don’t think £3000 a year is a bad deal when the actual cost of that degree is more than triple that amount (or, for my Medicine degree, 16 times more…)
I do, however, believe that the Student Loan available is woefully out of touch with the living costs required by today’s students, but I don’t see why a system of loans only repayable (at a phenomenal “real” rate of 0% interest) when a decent salary is earned is unfair.
Nevertheless, as my own rant shows, this debate is largely about something that affects ALL students and not really LGBT students. And I feel that as NUS LGBT students we should hope that the NUS could more effectively campaign for such issues rather than the far smaller NUS LGBT organisation.

The evening was spent getting some alcohol and preening ourselves at the hotel before heading back to BUGS for the evening social where I had fun chatting to lots of different people, and it was nice evening to catch up with old friends from Liverpool Hope, UCL, QMUL and elsewhere. Other highlights included watching Will from UCLAN & Laura from QMUL get more and more off their faces, and Lee from Steering Committee fall into a flower bed. I remember skipping down a main road with Will at one point before we tried to go climb the Birmingham Uni tower, before we got lost (even though it is massive). Excellent.

Saturday
After our croissants and juice at the Etap, Saturday began with Women-only reports, before we concluded a few of the debates from the previous night. We then got to go to my favourite bit of Conference, workshops.
Natalie and I had signed up to the Trans workshop the night before, and then, without realising, the other 4 Mancs had done the same after us. As it seemed a little silly to have all 6 of us in the same workshop, we moved to the Feminism workshop instead. The other 2 options were about fighting the BNP, and another about Florence, a lesbian facing deportation back to Sierre Leone.
In all honesty, I wasn’t all that thrilled about going to a workshop about Feminism, but the outcome of the session was that I was pleased to have gone. It was led by Kat Stark, the NUS Women’s Officer, and we had some fascinating group discussions about different feminist ideals. I had bravely outed myself as a non-feminist at the start of the session, and I think this might have given the impression that I think women are subservient to some, but in all honesty I was genuinely interested in just feminism was, considering it different from anti-sexism (how wrong I was). I was pleased that my group got to discuss the statement “GBT men can be feminist but heterosexual men cannot” as we talked a lot about the media’s influence, the nature of interpersonal relationships and how feminism kind of combines the ideas of anti-sexism with a pride of women.
After a mad rush for our lunch bags, we moved into Motions Zone 3, which was my favourite zone: “Strong & Active Unions”.
The first motion in this was about Governance Reform in the NUS LGBT Campaign. We voted to replace Winter Conference with better regional events to strengthen the Campaign, as well as making a commitment to consider Mature Students and ageism within the campaign. It was also affirmed that the NUS LGBT Committee should endeavour to attend as many Fresher’s Events as possible, and mobilise the Campaign early so that it can be promoted at such events.
The next motion was the biggie of Conference and was entitled “Queer Liberation”. The original motion intended to allow self-defining Queer students to attend Conference, and to create a permanent Queer Caucus. An Amendment sought to “clarify” – although stated that “Queer” would include various supposedly-undesirable groups, and so defined Queer as those who were LGBT but chose not to use those words. The debate was rocked throughout with much vocal audience participation (especially from the NEC members – perhaps rather inappropriately), which climaxed in a procedural motion that called for all self-defining Queer students to leave Conference. Once things had settled down, Emma Persky, who had opposed the Amendment, surprisingly changed her mind and then spoke for it. This led to a very confused voting audience! With the Amendment passed, the main motion then passed, but without the two-thirds majority necessary for it to become policy. And so our LGBT Campaign rather timidly works its way to a Queer-er future? Perhaps.

Other motions in the zone that passed were: Better supporting disabled students; working harder to include FE within the campaign; supporting Student Pride (thank God!); and allowing sponsorship from reputable companies.
We unfortunately id not get to discuss two motions regarding Conference Delegations, talking about gender balance and inclusion of non-LGBT delegates.

The next sessions were the elections for the Open Place positions and Steering Committee elections. It was interesting to hear what the candidates had to offer, although it was bit odd that you couldn’t ask questions – audience whispers led to the conclusion that some people weren’t being entirely honest in their manifestos!

After an amusing session in which we were asked to reject the yearly Finance Report to show NUS how woefully wrong their estimates were, we moved to the final motions session.

Motions Zone 4 was “Society & Citizenship”. We discussed motions welcoming the protections offered by the new Goods and Services laws, supporting free childcare in Universities, and our support to the international LGBT campaign.
We also voted to “affirm our commitment to internationalism in the struggle against LGBT oppression”, although a section that called for us to campaign for the withdrawal of troops from Iraq fell.

Saturday ended with the Manchester Cru heading to Nando’s in the BullRing for our dinner as we weren’t too impressed with the free meal provided the previous night. We then got ourselves ready and went for some drinks in Birmingham’s gay area. Jennie and Carly (still rough from the previous night) went home early, whilst Danny and Stuart headed to Nightingales. Natalie and I stayed in the Loft Lounge, drinking cocktails and looking at the fit bar staff, as well as Anthony from Blue and Dr Truman from Eastenders. 5 cocktails later we headed home to dance on the bed before actually going to sleep at something like 5am… oh dear.

Sunday
After pressing “snooze” far too many times, Jennie, Carly, Natalie and me made it into the Guild for the Queer Caucus. This was a really positive experience, and we welcomed the fact that Queer students were now recognised by the LGBT Campaign (even if not quite in the way we all had envisaged or desired). It was affirmed that we would endeavour to build on this and introduce queer activism into the campaign.
We spent the rest of the morning chatting with various other students about what had happened so far, our views on certain motions, and also we Facebooked to the max on the Guild computers.
After lunch, we completed the motions zone 4 debate, and moved onto an excellent session given by Celia Kitzinger and Sue Wilkinson. These two women were married in Canada, and tried to challenge the UK into recognising their marriage as a marriage (and not a civil partnership) - in line with rules for heterosexual marriages made outside of the UK. Their story was fascinating and they succinctly provided us with good arguments as to why we should campaign for equal treatment. The couple received more than one standing ovation for their efforts.

After their session, they then presented the awards for the LGBT societies of the year. It was wonderful to see Liverpool Hope win the HE award. I’ve gotten to know Liverpool Hope over the year and I have really taken a lot from them. A tiny institution with no money, Liverpool Hope has rattled off a massive list of activities that really and truly puts Manchester to absolute shame. If they had our resources, Liverpool Hope could have achieved anything!

The final session was for Emergency Motions - there was a single one submitted by NUS LGBT Steering regarding a change in the way motions were submitted to Conference. It called for future motions to be submitted by Constituent Members rather than individual representatives. After some speeches by NUS representatives (from LGBT Steering, NUS Steering, i.e. Danny, and NEC members) the motion was not passed. I voted this way, because I feel that it would be largely impractical in our Union to follow the rules as specified - we can barely cobble together more than a handful of people to help us with Awareness Week - never mind get groups together to formulate motions!

And so, after some Closing remarks by Claire, we raced off across campus to get our train to New Street, before heading back home to Manchester (via Nando’s in Fallowfield).